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misachanFic Title: Take The Wheel (Art Masterpost)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
misachan
Fandom/Genre: Supernatural
Pairing(s): Dean/Jimmy/Cas
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3307
Warnings: Torture in part 4, language, guilt over adultery
Summary: There aren't too many positives about agreeing to be strapped to a comet, but one of the bigger ones is that Castiel at least manages to keep Jimmy asleep and unaware most of the time – so when Jimmy suddenly finds himself wrenched awake mid-battle he knows this has to be a bad sign. Their attacker is a wild card in the angelic war, one who believes she's the only one truly fighting for the humans, and to that end she's developed a new weapon: a way to enchant her sword so that it can kill an angel without having to sacrifice the vessel. And she's made Castiel her first test. With Castiel wounded Jimmy's forced to take control, and he and Dean set off on a desperate road trip to the security of Bobby's safe room.
Dean drives fast, but angels are faster.
(A/N: Thanks to my awesome betaaerilex and awesome artist lennymechs!)
Rahmiel's "convincing" involved a blade instead of words. Jimmy didn't know where she'd taken him; the room was windowless, the walls stone and the floor packed dirt, a damp chill hanging in the air that made Jimmy think they might be underground. He shivered as he watched her test the edge of her sword, a match for the one he'd given to Dean for safe keeping. Rahmiel hadn't said a single word to him since bringing him there; he watched her hum softly to herself as she painted incomprehensible sigils over the walls and tried to brace himself for what was coming. He focused on forcing Castiel down deep, trying to put him to sleep the way Castiel did to him. The angel knew something was very wrong but Jimmy wouldn't talk to him, concentrating instead on rebuilding the wall between them so at least the angel wasn't in agony just from his sister's presence.
Dean was coming. If Jimmy had faith in anything anymore it was that Dean Winchester would shake the planet apart looking for them, Dean and his brother and probably Bobby Singer too. He just had to hold out long enough to let that happen.
Rahmiel finished drawing sigils on the walls and knelt beside him, still humming under her breath, a tune Jimmy realized with a sick lurch was "Amazing Grace." That had been his favorite hymn when he was a child, the only one he'd ever had the nerve to sing in front of the congregation. He wondered if he'd ever be able to listen to it again.
"Won't you relent?" she asked, sounding so forlorn Jimmy almost found himself feeling sorry for her. He flinched when she trailed her fingers through his hair."I have no wish to harm you."
It was hard to believe that when she pressed the tip of her sword under his chin. He closed his eyes, trying to shrink back against the wall. "Just let me go."
She tsked him. "I will not release you back to hopeless servitude." He felt the cold edge of the blade trail down his throat, then she flicked the blade in a single, quick cut along his collarbone. Jimmy whimpered in surprise, his hands balling into fists. "I'll break his hold on you, dear one," she whispered, stroking his cheek. "Then you'll truly be free."
He could do this. Dean had lasted decades in Hell, Jimmy knew that although he didn't know why he did, and compared to that this was nothing. Rahmiel believed she could break him into giving her Castiel but Jimmy wouldn't let that happen. He might not be cut out to be a world-saving hero like the Winchesters but he could do that much.
It took her less than two hours to make him cry.
Jimmy took bitter solace that even if he was breaking the wall he'd built held. He could feel Castiel testing it, pacing back and forth like a caged tiger. Not so fun, is it?, he thought to the angel, the words taking on a vicious twist as Rahmiel's knife scored down his ribs. He knew he should be proud that he'd managed to build a wall strong enough to hold back an angel, even one as weakened as Castiel, but everything just hurt so much.
Let me out.
"Fuck off," Jimmy whispered back. At any other time he would have enjoyed how offended the angel was by that.
The world got very narrow. Dean was coming, Jimmy repeated that to himself like a litany. He had to protect Castiel, whether or not the angel appreciated it. He needed to hear his little girl's voice again, hear her slip up and still call him "Daddy" even though she'd decided she was too old for that. He needed to make things right with Amelia, find the right words that would make her whisper his name in the dark again.
Dean, Castiel, Amelia, Claire. Nothing in the world had meaning except those four names. With each stroke of Rahmiel's knife another bit of the world slipped away, another piece of himself shaved off until sometimes when Rahmiel called him "Jimmy" he didn't recognize the name. His name wasn't important. He whispered Dean, Castiel, Amelia, Claire under his breath like the words could shield him.
Four words. He knew didn't have what it took to save the world, but he maybe could live for those four words.
***
He resented how little help Castiel was during this. The angel was either quiet or attacking the wall like a storm, a hammering of let me out let me out let me out. Rahmiel whispered the same thing, her voice soft and terrible in his ear and in the weakest moments Jimmy didn't know why he fought so hard. It would be so easy, one stray thought and he could go back to sleep far away from pain and knives and this. Every time he had that thought he felt Castiel rouse, desperation soaking through as he demanded Yes. Do that.
Jimmy knew Castiel wouldn't win that fight. He could spoil for it all he wanted, but he was still weak and all the bluster in the world couldn't change that (this stubborn streak reminded Jimmy so much of Dean he ached.) All that would be accomplished by letting Castiel out would be the angel dying screaming and alone. Jimmy wondered if he would be awake to hear it or if he would just come to and feel how the angel had been ripped out of him, like the last time, only now he would have the rest of his life to know he'd let it happen. He remembered Dean finding him in that warehouse, the way his eyes had changed when Jimmy had told him Castiel was gone. He imagined that happening again, Dean kicking down the metal door that had been taunting him for he didn't know how long now only to find he was too late. Jimmy knew Dean wouldn't blame him, he had too much experience with torture for that, but he would look right through Jimmy just like he had then. Jimmy remembered the way Dean had looked at him in that hotel room, the glint in his eye as he tried to make Jimmy moan and realized he feared never seeing that again more than he feared never leaving this room. He felt a little flutter of sympathy drift up from Castiel and wondered if he'd stumbled on what had pulled an angel of the Lord away from Heaven.
Rahmiel's blade cut deep and Jimmy felt himself start to choke. He curled up on the floor and felt her fingers trail through his hair as she murmured apologies. She never lost her temper with him, no matter how much defiance he showed. He caught himself not wanting to disappoint her and tried to push that thought away; if he fell into that kind of thinking it was over. She could make it sound so reasonable, all she asked was that he let her speak to her brother. It was unfair what Castiel asked of him, she whispered to him, her voice a seductive purr. Let him go.
She whispered the word home to him like a beacon. He retreated back into those warm memories; he hadn't appreciated what he'd built then, still naïve enough to look for a bigger purpose, some plan he was part of. He wondered if the angel had caused that restlessness or if that had just made him more susceptible, but he cursed himself for it now because he'd had his purpose and then threw it away. He should let Castiel burn for that, for not explaining just what he'd be losing.
I never lied to you. The words hovered between outrage and guilt but Jimmy didn't have to energy to snap back That's not the point. Castiel hadn't made him understand.
If you hate me so much, let me out.
Jimmy rolled his eyes at the blatant manipulation. Letting Rahmiel murder him wouldn't undo anything and it would only tack one more sin onto Jimmy's soul. And if he dreaded Dean going back to looking through him as if he didn't exist, the idea of going home with the angel ripped out of him like an open wound terrified him because Claire would know. She would take one look at him and see his cowardice, she would know he'd let Castiel die helpless and in agony because he hadn't been strong enough to keep it from happening the same way she knew when he was being called. He wondered if she would feel it happen.
Claire had let Castiel possess her to save him once, had said yes to that question without batting an eye. He held onto the memory of his brave little girl and refused to disappoint her.
***
The woman loved him. Jimmy knew this because she told him as she stroked his hair, as she pressed her lips against his temple, whispered it in his ear as she pressed the tip of the blade into his ribs.
There had been one other woman who'd loved him. He remembered blonde hair falling across his shoulder, her body pressed to his in the fresh-cut grass. Taking a class he was completely unqualified for and wrecking his GPA for an excuse to talk to her, to know her name, Amelia, Amelia, he used to lie in his dorm in the middle of the night and whisper that name just to feel his lips shape it.
He whimpered the name now, hoping for that warmth again but the sound came out broken and jagged and Jimmy felt his shoulders shake.
There had been a ring. He'd worked three jobs and starved for a month for that ring, but oh, her eyes when she saw it. He would lie down in front of a train for her to look at him like that. Her eyes always shuttered when she looked at him now, sliding past him or through him and it stabbed, it stabbed because he knew how her eyes could look.
There had been sunlight, waking up first on Sunday mornings and watching the sun glint off her hair. Running his hand over the swell of her stomach, knowing their child was growing inside her and hoping their baby looked just like her, had her sense, her strength. The wicked grin on her face as she straddled him, the curve of her breasts in his hands, the heat as he slid inside.
She wouldn't touch him now. They still kept the same bed but she stayed curled tight to her side, her shoulders tense as she waited for him to fall asleep. When he reached for her she'd pretend to be sleeping herself, or simply refused to notice. Once she had even flinched.
And wasn't she right to? Hadn't he vowed to forsake all others? Yet he'd strayed. He'd given his body, first to Castiel and then to Dean, given it so many times. It shouldn't have mattered that it was an angel asking him, he'd made his marriage vows first. He'd sinned and sinned and sinned."I want to go home," he whispered. "I want to go home."
The angel's knife scored down his back and he curled in on himself, his arms crossed over his bloodied chest. "I want to go home," he sobbed again, over and over. He was going to die without her forgiveness.
He felt Castiel stir inside him, heard that voice like bells ringing. I didn't know, it whispered but the words don't touch him.
***
There was too much noise. Jimmy tried to curl up but his legs wouldn't move; that wasn't so unusual anymore and he didn't pay it much attention. He would heal soon enough. He always did.
The banging kept up and Rahmiel kissed his forehead. "I have to take care of this," she murmured and he nodded, too exhausted to speak. Castiel was moving, something he realized he hadn't felt in a while. The light inside him churned, trying to rouse him; he tasted something like hope and didn't understand why.
He opened his eyes just in time to see Dean Winchester kick open the heavy door, the way he'd imagined so many times. He was back-lit from the light behind him, a furious silhouette with a shotgun balanced on his shoulder. Jimmy didn't think he'd ever seen a more beautiful sight in his life.
You see why he's called the Righteous Man, Castiel whispered to him, awed himself. Dean stepped into the room, haggard circles under his eyes as he leveled the shotgun at Rahmiel's head. "Get the fuck away from my friend."
She smiled at him as if he'd said nothing more threatening than hello. "I genuinely admire your tenacity. I'd thought I'd chosen my sanctuary well."
"Oh, believe me, lady, I had to break a lot of arms to find you."
The smile turned hard. "How fortunate for my brother to have such loyal friends." She looked back at Jimmy. "Don't watch. I don't want to grieve you." She gestured and Dean flew across the room, the shotgun clattering to the ground. Dean landed hard, not moving; Jimmy pushed himself from the wall and tried to crawl over to the gun, not sure if he'd even be able to shoot it.
She leaned over Dean, tipping his chin up with one hand. "I should have left you a vegetable by the side of the road. The world would be a safer place."
Jimmy looked up in just enough time to see the flash of silver in Dean's hand. He'd forgotten Dean had promised to keep Castiel's sword safe. Dean swung the sword up in a high arc and caught Rahmiel through the chest before she could say another word. "Yeah," he growled, twisting the blade once. "Probably would have been a better plan."
Rahmiel staggered back two steps, one hand pressed to her chest as blinding light bled from the wound and built around her. She looked back at Jimmy, her eyes an apology, and then she screamed, a high, shrill piercing sound. Jimmy wondered if he was watching his future.
Then the wave of energy hit him and he didn't know anything else.
***
Jimmy opened his eyes to find himself propped up against the wall, Dean kneeling over him. Dean's clothes were smoky and his hands smelled like oil, blood under his nails; Jimmy heard Castiel whisper Oh, Dean. What did you do? His hands shook as he tried to bring Jimmy all the way back around. "Hey," he whispered. "Jimmy, man, that you?" Jimmy nodded and Dean let out a shaky breath. "Everyone present and accounted for?"
Jimmy nodded again, his hand pressed to his chest. "Better than in a while."
Dean kissed his forehead. "Thank fucking God," he whispered. "You never say you don't have the guts for this again, you hear me?"
Jimmy tried to see just how bad off he was and felt Dean hold him still. "Hey, you just relax, okay? It's already all healing up, you're gonna be fine. Just keep looking at me, okay?"
Jimmy had no problem with that. "I think I love you," he murmured, feeling himself starting to drift off again.
Dean just grinned. "Yeah, I'm awesome, I know."
He heard someone call for Dean and looked up to see Sam Winchester's head poke through the doorway. "Dean? Everything good?"
"Yeah, Sammy, I got him. We're good."
Sam gave Jimmy an awkward, Hey, good to see you're alive look and said, "Cool. Me and Bobby are going to finish sweeping the place."
"We'll catch up."
Sam nodded, stomping back up the hall as Jimmy squinted after him. "Was he carrying a bazooka?"
Dean grinned again. "Bobby's got some weird friends, man. We would've brought a tank if we thought we could swing it." Dean kept stroking his thumb along Jimmy's hairline and he tried to focus on that touch to block out the pain. "You think you're good to get out of here?" Jimmy's legs buckled when he tried to stand and Dean wrapped one arm around him to hold him up. "Okay, we'll take this slow."
Jimmy saw Rahmiel's body sprawled across the floor and pulled Dean to a stop. "We can't just leave her here."
There was a flash of worry in Dean's eyes. "Dude, it's okay. She'd dead. She can't come after you any more."
"No." He pulled away from Dean, his legs giving way under him. "Her vessel. We can't leave her here."
"Dude, I don't...."
Talking hurt so much. "Her family won't ever know what happened. They'll be waiting for her to come home and they won't ever know." He couldn't let Dean take him out of here without making him understand. "Dean, we don't even know her name. Rahmiel told she had a purpose, that...." The flood of memories was too much. "That Heaven needed her. She's like me. Dean, please."
Dean picked him up. "Hey. Hey, calm down. I'll take care of it, I promise."
That was a relief. Jimmy was just so tired and didn't know how much longer he could have kept talking. "Can I pass out now?"
"Dude. I can't believe you didn't already."
Jimmy nodded and closed his eyes. He didn't even care if he never opened them again.
***
Jimmy came to in the Impala's passenger seat, Dean behind the wheel and the two of them tearing down the interstate. He just watched Dean drive for a few minutes, not caring how he'd wound up back in Dean's car. "No chance that was all a dream, huh?" he said when Dean finally caught his eye.
"Sorry. Sam and Bobby are taking the place apart and I figured you'd want to be out of there."
"I figured this car was done for."
"My baby's come back from worse. Fixing her up kept me from going completely crazy while we were looking."
"Where was I? Am I?"
"Oklahoma, of all fucking places. Looks like she'd angel-ed up some old bomb shelter." He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. "We managed to ID Rahmiel. Her vessel, I mean. Wasn't exactly hard, chick had license on her. Wish Cas would get in the habit of doing that." He looked over at Jimmy. "If anything ever goes wrong with Cas and...you know. If things go wrong, I'll make sure your family knows. I'll tell them myself, okay? You have my word."
Jimmy leaned his head against the seat. "Thank you, Dean."
Will you let me out now? I feel much better.
Jimmy chuckled. "Castiel wants to know if he can come out and play."
"Hey, making fun of Cas is my job." He pulled the car over to the shoulder. "You cool with this?"
"Dean, believe me, right now I'm looking forward to sleeping for a few months." He could see the eager glint in Dean's eyes at seeing Castiel again and fought down the sharp stab of pain. Jimmy was so preoccupied with his own thoughts he was completely unprepared for Dean to lean over and kiss him there by the side of the road. Jimmy felt something crumble inside him as he returned the kiss, willing the moment to last. "You're making this kind of hard, Dean," he whispered, hating how his voice shook.
"Next time Cas puts you on furlough you give me a call, okay? If I'm in the same time zone I'll show."
"Do you really mean that?"
"Hey, do I make empty promises?"
Jimmy kissed him again, goodbye this time. "Try to keep each other out of trouble, okay?"
Dean grinned at that and Jimmy took a long second to memorize those green eyes before closing his own.
go to epilogue
back to masterpost
back to part 3
Author:
misachanFandom/Genre: Supernatural
Pairing(s): Dean/Jimmy/Cas
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3307
Warnings: Torture in part 4, language, guilt over adultery
Summary: There aren't too many positives about agreeing to be strapped to a comet, but one of the bigger ones is that Castiel at least manages to keep Jimmy asleep and unaware most of the time – so when Jimmy suddenly finds himself wrenched awake mid-battle he knows this has to be a bad sign. Their attacker is a wild card in the angelic war, one who believes she's the only one truly fighting for the humans, and to that end she's developed a new weapon: a way to enchant her sword so that it can kill an angel without having to sacrifice the vessel. And she's made Castiel her first test. With Castiel wounded Jimmy's forced to take control, and he and Dean set off on a desperate road trip to the security of Bobby's safe room.
Dean drives fast, but angels are faster.
(A/N: Thanks to my awesome beta
aerilex and awesome artist lennymechs!)Rahmiel's "convincing" involved a blade instead of words. Jimmy didn't know where she'd taken him; the room was windowless, the walls stone and the floor packed dirt, a damp chill hanging in the air that made Jimmy think they might be underground. He shivered as he watched her test the edge of her sword, a match for the one he'd given to Dean for safe keeping. Rahmiel hadn't said a single word to him since bringing him there; he watched her hum softly to herself as she painted incomprehensible sigils over the walls and tried to brace himself for what was coming. He focused on forcing Castiel down deep, trying to put him to sleep the way Castiel did to him. The angel knew something was very wrong but Jimmy wouldn't talk to him, concentrating instead on rebuilding the wall between them so at least the angel wasn't in agony just from his sister's presence.
Dean was coming. If Jimmy had faith in anything anymore it was that Dean Winchester would shake the planet apart looking for them, Dean and his brother and probably Bobby Singer too. He just had to hold out long enough to let that happen.
Rahmiel finished drawing sigils on the walls and knelt beside him, still humming under her breath, a tune Jimmy realized with a sick lurch was "Amazing Grace." That had been his favorite hymn when he was a child, the only one he'd ever had the nerve to sing in front of the congregation. He wondered if he'd ever be able to listen to it again.
"Won't you relent?" she asked, sounding so forlorn Jimmy almost found himself feeling sorry for her. He flinched when she trailed her fingers through his hair."I have no wish to harm you."
It was hard to believe that when she pressed the tip of her sword under his chin. He closed his eyes, trying to shrink back against the wall. "Just let me go."
She tsked him. "I will not release you back to hopeless servitude." He felt the cold edge of the blade trail down his throat, then she flicked the blade in a single, quick cut along his collarbone. Jimmy whimpered in surprise, his hands balling into fists. "I'll break his hold on you, dear one," she whispered, stroking his cheek. "Then you'll truly be free."
He could do this. Dean had lasted decades in Hell, Jimmy knew that although he didn't know why he did, and compared to that this was nothing. Rahmiel believed she could break him into giving her Castiel but Jimmy wouldn't let that happen. He might not be cut out to be a world-saving hero like the Winchesters but he could do that much.
It took her less than two hours to make him cry.
Jimmy took bitter solace that even if he was breaking the wall he'd built held. He could feel Castiel testing it, pacing back and forth like a caged tiger. Not so fun, is it?, he thought to the angel, the words taking on a vicious twist as Rahmiel's knife scored down his ribs. He knew he should be proud that he'd managed to build a wall strong enough to hold back an angel, even one as weakened as Castiel, but everything just hurt so much.
Let me out.
"Fuck off," Jimmy whispered back. At any other time he would have enjoyed how offended the angel was by that.
The world got very narrow. Dean was coming, Jimmy repeated that to himself like a litany. He had to protect Castiel, whether or not the angel appreciated it. He needed to hear his little girl's voice again, hear her slip up and still call him "Daddy" even though she'd decided she was too old for that. He needed to make things right with Amelia, find the right words that would make her whisper his name in the dark again.
Dean, Castiel, Amelia, Claire. Nothing in the world had meaning except those four names. With each stroke of Rahmiel's knife another bit of the world slipped away, another piece of himself shaved off until sometimes when Rahmiel called him "Jimmy" he didn't recognize the name. His name wasn't important. He whispered Dean, Castiel, Amelia, Claire under his breath like the words could shield him.
Four words. He knew didn't have what it took to save the world, but he maybe could live for those four words.
***
He resented how little help Castiel was during this. The angel was either quiet or attacking the wall like a storm, a hammering of let me out let me out let me out. Rahmiel whispered the same thing, her voice soft and terrible in his ear and in the weakest moments Jimmy didn't know why he fought so hard. It would be so easy, one stray thought and he could go back to sleep far away from pain and knives and this. Every time he had that thought he felt Castiel rouse, desperation soaking through as he demanded Yes. Do that.
Jimmy knew Castiel wouldn't win that fight. He could spoil for it all he wanted, but he was still weak and all the bluster in the world couldn't change that (this stubborn streak reminded Jimmy so much of Dean he ached.) All that would be accomplished by letting Castiel out would be the angel dying screaming and alone. Jimmy wondered if he would be awake to hear it or if he would just come to and feel how the angel had been ripped out of him, like the last time, only now he would have the rest of his life to know he'd let it happen. He remembered Dean finding him in that warehouse, the way his eyes had changed when Jimmy had told him Castiel was gone. He imagined that happening again, Dean kicking down the metal door that had been taunting him for he didn't know how long now only to find he was too late. Jimmy knew Dean wouldn't blame him, he had too much experience with torture for that, but he would look right through Jimmy just like he had then. Jimmy remembered the way Dean had looked at him in that hotel room, the glint in his eye as he tried to make Jimmy moan and realized he feared never seeing that again more than he feared never leaving this room. He felt a little flutter of sympathy drift up from Castiel and wondered if he'd stumbled on what had pulled an angel of the Lord away from Heaven.
Rahmiel's blade cut deep and Jimmy felt himself start to choke. He curled up on the floor and felt her fingers trail through his hair as she murmured apologies. She never lost her temper with him, no matter how much defiance he showed. He caught himself not wanting to disappoint her and tried to push that thought away; if he fell into that kind of thinking it was over. She could make it sound so reasonable, all she asked was that he let her speak to her brother. It was unfair what Castiel asked of him, she whispered to him, her voice a seductive purr. Let him go.
She whispered the word home to him like a beacon. He retreated back into those warm memories; he hadn't appreciated what he'd built then, still naïve enough to look for a bigger purpose, some plan he was part of. He wondered if the angel had caused that restlessness or if that had just made him more susceptible, but he cursed himself for it now because he'd had his purpose and then threw it away. He should let Castiel burn for that, for not explaining just what he'd be losing.
I never lied to you. The words hovered between outrage and guilt but Jimmy didn't have to energy to snap back That's not the point. Castiel hadn't made him understand.
If you hate me so much, let me out.
Jimmy rolled his eyes at the blatant manipulation. Letting Rahmiel murder him wouldn't undo anything and it would only tack one more sin onto Jimmy's soul. And if he dreaded Dean going back to looking through him as if he didn't exist, the idea of going home with the angel ripped out of him like an open wound terrified him because Claire would know. She would take one look at him and see his cowardice, she would know he'd let Castiel die helpless and in agony because he hadn't been strong enough to keep it from happening the same way she knew when he was being called. He wondered if she would feel it happen.
Claire had let Castiel possess her to save him once, had said yes to that question without batting an eye. He held onto the memory of his brave little girl and refused to disappoint her.
***
The woman loved him. Jimmy knew this because she told him as she stroked his hair, as she pressed her lips against his temple, whispered it in his ear as she pressed the tip of the blade into his ribs.
There had been one other woman who'd loved him. He remembered blonde hair falling across his shoulder, her body pressed to his in the fresh-cut grass. Taking a class he was completely unqualified for and wrecking his GPA for an excuse to talk to her, to know her name, Amelia, Amelia, he used to lie in his dorm in the middle of the night and whisper that name just to feel his lips shape it.
He whimpered the name now, hoping for that warmth again but the sound came out broken and jagged and Jimmy felt his shoulders shake.
There had been a ring. He'd worked three jobs and starved for a month for that ring, but oh, her eyes when she saw it. He would lie down in front of a train for her to look at him like that. Her eyes always shuttered when she looked at him now, sliding past him or through him and it stabbed, it stabbed because he knew how her eyes could look.
There had been sunlight, waking up first on Sunday mornings and watching the sun glint off her hair. Running his hand over the swell of her stomach, knowing their child was growing inside her and hoping their baby looked just like her, had her sense, her strength. The wicked grin on her face as she straddled him, the curve of her breasts in his hands, the heat as he slid inside.
She wouldn't touch him now. They still kept the same bed but she stayed curled tight to her side, her shoulders tense as she waited for him to fall asleep. When he reached for her she'd pretend to be sleeping herself, or simply refused to notice. Once she had even flinched.
And wasn't she right to? Hadn't he vowed to forsake all others? Yet he'd strayed. He'd given his body, first to Castiel and then to Dean, given it so many times. It shouldn't have mattered that it was an angel asking him, he'd made his marriage vows first. He'd sinned and sinned and sinned."I want to go home," he whispered. "I want to go home."
The angel's knife scored down his back and he curled in on himself, his arms crossed over his bloodied chest. "I want to go home," he sobbed again, over and over. He was going to die without her forgiveness.
He felt Castiel stir inside him, heard that voice like bells ringing. I didn't know, it whispered but the words don't touch him.
***
There was too much noise. Jimmy tried to curl up but his legs wouldn't move; that wasn't so unusual anymore and he didn't pay it much attention. He would heal soon enough. He always did.
The banging kept up and Rahmiel kissed his forehead. "I have to take care of this," she murmured and he nodded, too exhausted to speak. Castiel was moving, something he realized he hadn't felt in a while. The light inside him churned, trying to rouse him; he tasted something like hope and didn't understand why.
He opened his eyes just in time to see Dean Winchester kick open the heavy door, the way he'd imagined so many times. He was back-lit from the light behind him, a furious silhouette with a shotgun balanced on his shoulder. Jimmy didn't think he'd ever seen a more beautiful sight in his life.
You see why he's called the Righteous Man, Castiel whispered to him, awed himself. Dean stepped into the room, haggard circles under his eyes as he leveled the shotgun at Rahmiel's head. "Get the fuck away from my friend."
She smiled at him as if he'd said nothing more threatening than hello. "I genuinely admire your tenacity. I'd thought I'd chosen my sanctuary well."
"Oh, believe me, lady, I had to break a lot of arms to find you."
The smile turned hard. "How fortunate for my brother to have such loyal friends." She looked back at Jimmy. "Don't watch. I don't want to grieve you." She gestured and Dean flew across the room, the shotgun clattering to the ground. Dean landed hard, not moving; Jimmy pushed himself from the wall and tried to crawl over to the gun, not sure if he'd even be able to shoot it.
She leaned over Dean, tipping his chin up with one hand. "I should have left you a vegetable by the side of the road. The world would be a safer place."
Jimmy looked up in just enough time to see the flash of silver in Dean's hand. He'd forgotten Dean had promised to keep Castiel's sword safe. Dean swung the sword up in a high arc and caught Rahmiel through the chest before she could say another word. "Yeah," he growled, twisting the blade once. "Probably would have been a better plan."
Rahmiel staggered back two steps, one hand pressed to her chest as blinding light bled from the wound and built around her. She looked back at Jimmy, her eyes an apology, and then she screamed, a high, shrill piercing sound. Jimmy wondered if he was watching his future.
Then the wave of energy hit him and he didn't know anything else.
***
Jimmy opened his eyes to find himself propped up against the wall, Dean kneeling over him. Dean's clothes were smoky and his hands smelled like oil, blood under his nails; Jimmy heard Castiel whisper Oh, Dean. What did you do? His hands shook as he tried to bring Jimmy all the way back around. "Hey," he whispered. "Jimmy, man, that you?" Jimmy nodded and Dean let out a shaky breath. "Everyone present and accounted for?"
Jimmy nodded again, his hand pressed to his chest. "Better than in a while."
Dean kissed his forehead. "Thank fucking God," he whispered. "You never say you don't have the guts for this again, you hear me?"
Jimmy tried to see just how bad off he was and felt Dean hold him still. "Hey, you just relax, okay? It's already all healing up, you're gonna be fine. Just keep looking at me, okay?"
Jimmy had no problem with that. "I think I love you," he murmured, feeling himself starting to drift off again.
Dean just grinned. "Yeah, I'm awesome, I know."
He heard someone call for Dean and looked up to see Sam Winchester's head poke through the doorway. "Dean? Everything good?"
"Yeah, Sammy, I got him. We're good."
Sam gave Jimmy an awkward, Hey, good to see you're alive look and said, "Cool. Me and Bobby are going to finish sweeping the place."
"We'll catch up."
Sam nodded, stomping back up the hall as Jimmy squinted after him. "Was he carrying a bazooka?"
Dean grinned again. "Bobby's got some weird friends, man. We would've brought a tank if we thought we could swing it." Dean kept stroking his thumb along Jimmy's hairline and he tried to focus on that touch to block out the pain. "You think you're good to get out of here?" Jimmy's legs buckled when he tried to stand and Dean wrapped one arm around him to hold him up. "Okay, we'll take this slow."
Jimmy saw Rahmiel's body sprawled across the floor and pulled Dean to a stop. "We can't just leave her here."
There was a flash of worry in Dean's eyes. "Dude, it's okay. She'd dead. She can't come after you any more."
"No." He pulled away from Dean, his legs giving way under him. "Her vessel. We can't leave her here."
"Dude, I don't...."
Talking hurt so much. "Her family won't ever know what happened. They'll be waiting for her to come home and they won't ever know." He couldn't let Dean take him out of here without making him understand. "Dean, we don't even know her name. Rahmiel told she had a purpose, that...." The flood of memories was too much. "That Heaven needed her. She's like me. Dean, please."
Dean picked him up. "Hey. Hey, calm down. I'll take care of it, I promise."
That was a relief. Jimmy was just so tired and didn't know how much longer he could have kept talking. "Can I pass out now?"
"Dude. I can't believe you didn't already."
Jimmy nodded and closed his eyes. He didn't even care if he never opened them again.
***
Jimmy came to in the Impala's passenger seat, Dean behind the wheel and the two of them tearing down the interstate. He just watched Dean drive for a few minutes, not caring how he'd wound up back in Dean's car. "No chance that was all a dream, huh?" he said when Dean finally caught his eye.
"Sorry. Sam and Bobby are taking the place apart and I figured you'd want to be out of there."
"I figured this car was done for."
"My baby's come back from worse. Fixing her up kept me from going completely crazy while we were looking."
"Where was I? Am I?"
"Oklahoma, of all fucking places. Looks like she'd angel-ed up some old bomb shelter." He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. "We managed to ID Rahmiel. Her vessel, I mean. Wasn't exactly hard, chick had license on her. Wish Cas would get in the habit of doing that." He looked over at Jimmy. "If anything ever goes wrong with Cas and...you know. If things go wrong, I'll make sure your family knows. I'll tell them myself, okay? You have my word."
Jimmy leaned his head against the seat. "Thank you, Dean."
Will you let me out now? I feel much better.
Jimmy chuckled. "Castiel wants to know if he can come out and play."
"Hey, making fun of Cas is my job." He pulled the car over to the shoulder. "You cool with this?"
"Dean, believe me, right now I'm looking forward to sleeping for a few months." He could see the eager glint in Dean's eyes at seeing Castiel again and fought down the sharp stab of pain. Jimmy was so preoccupied with his own thoughts he was completely unprepared for Dean to lean over and kiss him there by the side of the road. Jimmy felt something crumble inside him as he returned the kiss, willing the moment to last. "You're making this kind of hard, Dean," he whispered, hating how his voice shook.
"Next time Cas puts you on furlough you give me a call, okay? If I'm in the same time zone I'll show."
"Do you really mean that?"
"Hey, do I make empty promises?"
Jimmy kissed him again, goodbye this time. "Try to keep each other out of trouble, okay?"
Dean grinned at that and Jimmy took a long second to memorize those green eyes before closing his own.
