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misachanTitle: The Second Hand Unwinds 2/2
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
misachan
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 9,440 (Total 18,440)
Summary: Dean wakes up one morning to find that while only one night passed for him the rest of the world has moved ahead eight years. That's a lot to catch up on, and repairing the mess his long absence made of his life and the lives of those around him would be easier if he had any idea what in the hell had happened. Then one night Dean spots a stranger in a trenchcoat watching him and knows he's found his first clue. An AU based on Disney's Flight of the Navigator, written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
super_disney.
Dean was dreaming. He dreamed he was running through twisting alleyways, shoes loud on wet pavement and this form was so slow, he should slip through space like lightning but he was squeezed into flesh and bone and it was so slow. His chest burned; the gas exchange was inefficient, the lungs not able to process oxygen fast enough to keep the muscles functioning. He needed to rest, his muscles were shaking too hard to hold him up much longer but he couldn't stop. Not with it still following.
His teleport was broken and it was still following.
He skidded to a stop on the slick ground, his exhausted legs finally failing him. He saw a wall before and high walls to either side, the only way out behind him and how many blind alleys could there be in this place? He pushed himself back to his feet but it was too late, he heard steps coming towards him, slow now, no need to rush anymore. He backed himself against the wall, looking for a weapon but there was nothing. Help me.
Cas? Dean could feel the dream separate from him, Castiel's thoughts and impressions still overlapping his own. Cas, where are you?
Dean? The thought was like a hand reaching for him, but an instant later he felt something slam him against the alley wall hard enough to drive the air out of his lungs. Dean, I don't.... The thought crumbled into a convulsive surge of pain so strong and deep it jarred Dean awake.
Dean bolted upright in bed, the handprint on his shoulder burning. He pulled on jeans and a pair of sneakers before he could even process he was doing it, his hands shaking hard enough for him to waste precious seconds. He'd already thrown on his jacket and grabbed his bat from the closet before his sleep-addled brain could catch up and ask what the hell are you doing?
He paid the thought no mind. Maybe he still hated Castiel, maybe he didn't, but he'd never felt that kind of terror before in his life. Sam was still downstairs and even if he hadn't been, the window was faster; Dean focused on the fleeting glimpse he'd gotten of Castiel's surroundings, broken neon bar sign, knocked over street sign just outside the alley, and gritted his teeth and he dropped to the ground. Castiel might not have known where he was, but that was okay. Dean did. And it wasn't far.
By the time he got to the alley he wasn't even out of breath, and what he saw made Dean's hand go so tight around the bat it hurt. Castiel's face was a bloody mess, that silver blood flowing down from his nose and a cut over his eyes, but Dean was almost happy the...it looked like a man but Dean would bet money it wasn't anymore human than Castiel himself was, but Dean was so happy it had taken the time to rough Cas up because Dean knew there no way he could have gotten there in time otherwise. Castiel was surrounded by light, tendrils of it leaking from the seams of his constructed human body like he was about to split apart. The..thing attacking him had its arm buried in Castiel's chest, white light bleeding everywhere. Dean could see Cas trying to push his attacker away, trying to fight but there was nothing he could do. He felt Castiel's eyes lock with his over the attacker's shoulder and Jesus, Dean could see how much this hurt right there in his eyes. That made the decision for Dean; he stepped forward, bat over his shoulder, and swung as hard as he could at the attacker's head.
The thing staggered back, almost stumbling into Dean; when it turned around Dean recognized the face of the guy who always stood outside the hardware store hustling change – the face, but not the eyes. Its eyes were a flat, bottomless black and it hissed as it stepped toward Dean, skin hanging off its skull like a cheap Halloween mask. The blinding light blinked out and Dean saw Castiel crumple against the alley wall in his peripheral vision, one hand pressed to his chest but Dean didn't see a wound or any more blood so he focused back on the thing in front of him. It lunged at him, so fast Dean had to jump aside; it still managed to clip him on the shoulder hard enough to send Dean almost stumbling off his feet. He took an off-balance, blind swing with the bat and felt his stomach lurch up into his throat when the bat connected with the thing's neck hard enough for something to give, its head lolling at a sick angle. And that still only drove the thing to its knees.
It spit black bile at Dean, grinning as Dean bashed it in the head once more time. It flopped over, seizing once, the rictus grin still on its face, then it dissolved into a cloud of noxious black smoke that sent Dean reeling back. For a second his eyes burned too much to see anything and Dean wondered just how many times he was going to go blind thanks to Castiel.
It passed, though, and when his vision cleared he could see that he and Castiel were alone in the alley, Castiel still slumped over against the wall. "Cas? You okay?" When he crouched down Castiel grabbed his arm, his eyes wide with panic; this close Dean could hear him wheezing for air, like he was in the middle of a bad asthma attack. Or like that son of a bitch collapsed his lungs. Dean grabbed Cas' chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. "Cas, what do I have to do?" He knew he couldn't take the guy to a hospital, he couldn't pass for human well enough. Letting him die here would be kinder.
His lips were already turning blue. "Cas!" Dean said again, shaking him this time. "I want to help but you gotta tell me what to do."
Castiel squeezed his arm, nails digging in until Dean knew they were leaving marks. "Ship," he finally forced out.
"Just get you back to your ship?" Castiel nodded, slumping forward into Dean's arms like that took the last scrap of energy he had. "Okay, okay, you got it. Good thing you're not too far away." Castiel didn't resist when Dean picked him up; Dean could see he was fading in and out, his eyes already glassy. "You just keep fucking breathing."
Dean had to be careful that no saw, that no one asked questions, that no one tried to stop them and it took too much time. Dean fought down the panic as Castiel slowly went limp in his arms, the sound of him fighting for air fading with each step. By the time he finally kicked down the door to the ship (which for what was supposed to be an illusion sure cracked open convincingly) Dean didn't know how long he'd been without air, but he was still and blue. He told himself Cas' body could handle more than a true human's, the way he healed was proof enough of that. No human could have survived that attack. Dean remembered when they'd met he would have been happy to watch the alien die and wondered when the hell that had changed.
The second he stepped into the ship he heard a metallic sound like a door slamming shut behind him; the lights turned to a flat, hostile red and he felt a vibration run through the metal floor and up through his bones. Dean wondered, and not for the first time, just how alive Castiel's ship was because Dean could swear the thing felt scared. The curved exam table where Dean spent more of his time here grew from a flash of suspended silver to full size in an eyeblink; Dean laid Cas on the table and a device grew from the side of the table, a long hose ending in a breathing mask just like one he would expect to see in a hospital, some kind of chemical-smelling smoke coming from it in a gray cloud.
Dean just had to get him breathing again first. The pulse was gone in his wrist and while Dean thought he still felt a faint one in his neck, it wasn't going to last. "Adrenaline," he told the ship. "He needs a shot of adrenaline." The ship shuddered once, and Dean knew if it was a person it would be tilting its head at him just the way Castiel did when Dean used a word he didn't know. Dean rubbed one hand over his face, his mind racing as he felt that already weak pulse fade. He realized Castiel probably wouldn't call it adrenaline, whenever he talked science he always used the most technical terms possible, Dean suspected specifically to show off. The chemical formula for adrenaline just wasn't the kind of information Dean walked around with.
He wished Sam was here. This was exactly the kind of nonsense Sam always knew.
Then it hit Dean that yes, Sam did know, because Dean had been up to midnight making sure he did. "C9 H13 NO3," Dean blurted out, the posterboard he'd written that on a few weeks or over eights ago depending on who you asked suddenly clear in his mind. Fuck you, I don't help you with your homework. For a second Dean thought that still wasn't specific enough and told himself that hey, he'd tried.
Then out of what seemed to be a pocket in thin air dropped a device that looked somewhere between a syringe and a handgun. Dean was so surprised he almost dropped it, but Dean grabbed it and aimed it right over Castiel's heart. The thing even had a trigger. "Hope you know what you're doing," he murmured, half to the ship and half to himself, then he pulled.
Castiel arched up in a sudden, violent spasm, forcing Dean to grab him just to keep him on the table. His eyes flew open, panicked blue circles that darted around the room and it was clear to Dean in that first second Cas had no idea where he was. Dean held him down, pressing the mask over his face and standing over him to look right into his eyes. "Just breathe that in, Cas," Dean ordered, hoping Cas could understand him. "Calm down and breathe."
Castiel reached for him, his eyes still wide and Dean grabbed his hand without even thinking about it. "You're gonna be okay. Just breathe." Castiel quieted, staring at Dean and squeezing his hand so hard he could feel his fingers going numb. Cas' eyelids slowly started to flutter. "That's right," Dean said, keeping his voice low and soothing. "Rest and you'll be fine." Finally Castiel's eyes closed; Dean straightened the mask over his face, his legs shaking as his own adrenaline rush faded away and left him cored.
Dean didn't know when the ship had moved a chair under him but he was just happy he wasn't on the floor. "Wish my own baby was as accommodating as you sometimes." Which made him feel a little guilty and he told himself he'd give his girl a good waxing when this was over.
Castiel's color came back slowly, and when Dean checked his pulse it was still weak and rapid. Which might be normal for him, for all Dean knew, but he was shivering too, his hand cold in Dean's. Dean told himself it wasn't his problem, he'd already gone above and beyond as it was. All he needed to do was get home before anyone realized he was gone.
The way Castiel had looked at him kept playing behind his eyes, like he'd thought holding onto Dean had been keeping him alive. He eased Cas out of his coat, careful not to dislodge the breathing mask, then folded it up under his head. After looking around the room for a second and not seeing anything that wasn't made of metal he sighed and shrugged out of his own jacket, spreading it across Castiel's chest. "Best I can do, okay?"
The colors in the ship muted when Dean settled back in the chair and, after a moment's hesitation, took Castiel's hand again. "Okay, okay, I'll stick around a few more minutes," he said, shaking his head. "Just because I like you, okay? Nothing to do with him." The ceiling turned the same soft rose color it did when he showed up for the examinations. "But just a few more minutes."
***
Dean jolted awake when he felt Castiel begin to stir. He glared at the ship, as if it was its fault he'd fallen asleep, then realized he was still holding Castiel's hand and jerked away just before Cas' bleary eyes blinked open. "Dean?" he murmured, the word muffled by the mask; he moved it away, wincing as if that had hurt.
"Yeah," was all Dean said. Now that the emergency was over he could feel the resentment boiling back, resentment and confusion at why he'd done all that in the first place. "You've looked better."
"I've felt better." He got the feeling Castiel had been surprised to see him and was choosing his words.
"How much do you remember?"
"Enough." He rubbed his chest, wincing again.
"You wanna tell me exactly what that was back there?"
"I told you we have enemies. That was one of them." He sighed. "I believe the closest translation for our word for them would be demon. I've never known what they call themselves. They live on despair and fear. It's like food to them."
"Why the hell is my planet suddenly crawling with aliens?"
"I suspect this planet has been visited by more than one alien in the course of its history, Dean. Sapient races are rare enough that discovering a new one is a cause for celebration. There's a myth your people have about vampires that makes me wonder if they haven't been here a very long time." His expression darkened. "We normally don't stay in one place as long as I have. It must have realized my ship was disabled and seen its chance."
"What was it doing to you?"
"Trying to destabilize the matter conversion." Dean realized he must have looked as confused as he felt, because Castiel continued,"The form I'm using is more durable than a true human's, but it's still more fragile than my true form. The creature was trying to reverse the process so I would lose cohesion."
Dean ran that through his mental translator. "The thing was trying to make you explode?"
"Essentially, yes." He made soft, sharp sound, his hand pressing to his chest as his jaw went tight. "As it was, it still damaged me severely."
His eyes were already blinking closed again. "You should go back to sleep. Finish resting up," Dean said, not knowing what else to say. For the first time Castiel seemed to notice Dean's jacket spread over him; he traced along the edge of the collar, glancing up at Dean. "You were cold," Dean said, fidgeting in his seat, blushing despite the edge he put to the words.
There was a flash of overwhelmed emotion in Castiel's eyes that made Dean look away. He didn't glance back up until Castiel turned his head, his eyes closed. His hand twitched once, as if he hadn't realized Dean wasn't holding it any more, and Dean refused to feel guilty about that. "Why did you stay?" he whispered, something fragile in his voice Dean had never heard before. "You despise me."
Dean just sighed. "I don't hate anyone enough to want them to die alone millions of miles from home."
Castiel was quiet for a long time. "You are a very good representative of your species, Dean." His words were starting to slur, exhaustion blurring the edges. "Thank you for hearing me."
"Yeah, well, you jumped into my dream pretty loud."
"You didn't have to answer."
"If you didn't think I'd care, why bother?"
Castiel's voice was so soft Dean almost couldn't make out the words. "I have no one else."
Dean shook his head, adjusting the coat around him. "Get some rest. This is getting too sappy for me, anyway."
Castiel opened his eyes again and there was something fragile there now, too. "I would never have taken you if I'd known it would cause you so much harm."
It was the first time he'd used the word taken instead of something more justifiable. "I know," Dean said and he felt that hard knot he'd been carrying in his chest since he'd woken up in the future start to loosen. "Get some rest," he said again, pressing the mask back over his face.
Castiel nodded, his eyes closing again. He breathed deep, the pain lines in his face easing. "Can you stay a while longer?" he whispered, his voice barely audible.
He didn't reach for Dean again but he might as well have. "Sure," he said, grumbling more than he meant to. He watched as Castiel's breathing went slow and deep, shifting in his seat. Dean waited until he was absolutely sure he was asleep before taking his hand again.
***
Almost a week went by before Dean saw Castiel again. He told himself he needed the time to make things right with Sam – he'd come back from the mess with the demon to find Sam waiting for him in the living room in the dark, a bottle of Bobby's good whiskey clutched half empty in one fist, giving Dean a guilty jolt when he remembered that he'd promised Sam he wouldn't disappear and then had done just that – but even aside from Sam he just needed to get his head on straight. A little distance was exactly what he needed.
Castiel either seemed to agree or just knew better than to get in Dean's way because Dean didn't spot him once, not even in a dream. The long silence finally started to get in Dean's head; he found himself up late at night wondering if another of those demons had tracked him down, or if he hadn't been stalking Dean because he was still too injured to leave. Or, and Dean didn't know why the thought pissed him off so much, he'd decided to skip town; Dean told himself that if Cas decided to run off without saying a word Dean was find some way to drag him back and punch him in the face one more time.
Finally Dean decided enough was enough and headed down, sneaking out after Sam fell asleep. When he saw the familiar shuttered storefront Dean hadn't expected the flush of relief. He pushed that down and knocked in the pattern Cas had taught him, waiting to hear the whirr and click of the true door opening. He looked around to make sure no one was watching before walking in, even though he knew the illusion could probably take care of that. "Cas? You decent?"
"I...am I what?"
Dean grinned. "Never mind. Just messing with you." His voice was muffled and coming from the back of the room; Dean circled around, tapping his knuckles against the console railing in greeting . He saw Castiel's trenchcoat and suit jacket thrown over one of the railings and frowned. "Cas? Everything cool?"
"I'm fine." There was a pause, and then, "That is what that means, right?"
"Actually think I kind of missed this," Dean said, shaking his head. He finally found Cas crouched under one of the panels, his sleeves pushed up and his shirt spattered with what smelled like oil despite being fluorescent green. "Interrupting something?"
Castiel looked up at him, wiping more green oil off his hands. "Hello, Dean."
"Hey, Cas. Been kind of quiet lately."
Castiel nodded his head toward the open panel. "I've been redoubling my repair efforts."
"Any progress?"
Castiel fitted the panel back into place, a satisfied glint in his eye. "Some."
"So...you'll be out of here soon, or what?"
"I can't break atmosphere yet, but the engines are functional." He crouched back down, setting some dials. "Would you like to help me test them?"
"Um...sure." He moved to stand over Castiel, staring up at the computer screen and its as-always incomprehensible readouts. "So, what do you want me to do? Stand over here and...um watch stuff, I guess?"
"Actually, I thought you could pilot." He straightened back up, that glint in his eyes again. "Would that interest you?"
As if Castiel hadn't already known how Dean would answer that. "Dude, that would be awesome if I had any idea how to pilot a space ship."
That seemed to amuse Cas. "It's quite intuitive. I need someone to navigate for me while I keep my attention on the engine's functions."
There was a shimmer of silver light, just like the one he'd form the exam table after the attack, but this one formed itself into a wide chair situated in the center of the room. Dean narrowed his eyes. "Dude. Is that the chair from the Enterprise?"
He hadn't known Castiel could blush. "Obviously I've always piloted in my true form, not this one. I've seen that in your memories. I thought you might...I could change it, if you like."
"Don't you fucking dare." Dean bounded over and sat down. "So, how do I do this?"
"Picture in your mind where you want the ship to go. I would use coordinates but landmarks would do as well, the programming will take care of avoiding any obstacles. Once I have the engines fully powered it will follow the course you lay."
"She, Cas. She'll follow the course."
Castiel kept setting various dials, not pausing to look at Dean. "You've used that terminology before and I've never understood why."
Dean shook his head. "Cars and ships are always girls, Cas. Everyone knows that."
That did make Castiel turn around to frown at him. "Why would I gender my ship that way?"
"Not something you do, Cas, just something that is. This is law of the universe stuff. You gotta show her some respect. I know with my own baby, if you're good to her then she'll be good to you."
Castiel pulled one last switch, then stepped back. "All right, Dean, now it's up to you. Where would you like to go?"
Dean licked his lips. He was starting to wonder if he had the nerve for this after all. "Anywhere?"
"Anywhere on the planet you can imagine." He tapped his fingers against the console. "Avoiding jungles and caves might be a good idea. I'm not...entirely confident that the maneuverability is back to one hundred percent."
"No jungles, no caves, you got it," Dean said, not sure why he would pick either of those options anyway. He closed his eyes eyes and let out a long breath. "Egypt," he finally said. "The pyramids. I've always wanted to see the pyramids." Dean held on tight as the ship lurched straight up, just like a Blackbird he'd ridden in once as a birthday present set up by his father. Then there was just the overwhelming sensation of speed, impossible speed that warped the air around him and sent his stomach up into his throat.
"Calm down," he heard Castiel say, his low voice somehow right by his ear despite the fact that Dean knew damned well he was standing across the room. "Keep your focus on your destination."
Dean nodded, getting a clear focus on every picture of the pyramids he'd ever seen. "All right, girl, it's you and me. Let's do this." He felt the ship give a little shudder, like a person nodding, then the speed picked up even more until Dean thought he was going to turn inside out. Just when Dean thought he wasn't going to be able to stand any more of this the ship came to a sudden stop, not lurching or crashing but just as if it had never been moving at all.
A few seconds went by while Dean waited to see if they were all going to die, then he heard Castiel's voice. "You should probably open your eyes at some point."
Dean blinked his eyes open and sucked in a disbelieving breath. The front view screen was open and the top point of one of the pyramids was so close Dean thought he could reach out and touch it. "Shit. Is that for real?"
"Of course it is," Castiel said, sounding entirely unimpressed. He frowned down at his console. "That went tolerably well."
"Can we go somewhere else?"
"Absolutely. The more tests, the better."
Dean nodded. "Cool. Um. The Grand Canyon. Let's try that." There was less of a lurch this time, Dean supposed because the ship was already in the air, then that speed kicked in again. Dean thought he was already getting used to it. When he opened his eyes he found himself staring directly down into the canyon. "That is fucking awesome," he said, laughing as he stepped as close to the edge as he dared.
When he turned around he saw Castiel staring at him, like he'd never seen Dean before. "Dude. Don't you have stuff to keep track of?"
"Yes, it's just...I've never seen you laugh before."
"Haven't had much reason to lately." He stared back into the canyon, the rush almost like a drug. "Can we do that again?"
"As much as you like."
Dean nodded, sprawling back into the chair. They spent the rest of the night hopping to every spot on the map Dean could think of, Rio de Janeiro, Tokyo, the Great Wall, anywhere and everywhere. They buzzed the Eiffel Tower and followed it up with landing on the tip of the Washington Monument, Dean's confidence growing with each jump. Dean thought that if he hadn't gotten too tired to focus they never would have stopped. Finally when they were safely docked back in the empty lot (Dean let Castiel handle the actual landing) Dean slumped over in his chair, his nerves still buzzing. He didn't know if that had been Castiel's version of a thank you or an apology or something in the middle but Dean thought it was awesome either way. "Thanks, Cas."
"It was my pleasure." Castiel was still giving him that weird stare but Dean was too hopped up to even notice. Dean let out a long, exhausted sigh. "I gotta get home. When you get the ship able to go into space again, can I help you test that, too?"
Castiel nodded. "Of course."
"Cool. I gotta go."
"Don't stay away so long," Castiel said just before Dean passed through the door. "I would welcome your company."
Dean grinned. "Yeah, I missed you too, I guess." When he walked away from the ship toward home Dean couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this happy.
***
Dean walked up to find Bobby pacing up and down in front of the door. "Boy, where the hell have you been?"
"What? I had a late night."
Bobby grabbed his arm. "You go upstairs and you talk to him."
"Why? What's wrong with Sam?"
"You just go up there right now and talk him out of leaving right now, 'cause I get the feeling he's not planning on coming back."
Dean didn't have to hear any more; he ran up the stairs and found Sam packing his few belongings back into his suitcase. "Sam, what the hell?"
Sam just sighed. "I hoped I'd be gone before you got back."
"I thought you didn't have to go back until the new semester started."
"I don't have to go back, Dean, I want to." He sat on the bed, his head in his hands. "I can't do this any more," he said, suddenly sounding much younger.
"Do what? Tell me where your head's at."
Sam still wouldn't look at him. "I thought you were dead."
"Sam, c'mon. I know I was out late tonight, but I'm not gonna disappear again."
"I didn't mean tonight, although God, that's part of it, that you can't be an hour late without me wondering if it's happened again. Every day I have to wake up and wonder if this is the day it's all going to happen again, if this morning is the last time I'm going to see you."
"I told you...."
"You told me a lot of things," Sam spit out, the words barbed. "And you can't promise me that, you don't even know what happened." At that Dean was ready to tell Sam everything, whatever might come of it but Sam didn't give him the chance. "All those years, I was sure you were dead. Everyone told me you'd just taken off, you'd show back up but I knew. I knew you'd never just up and leave."
"Sam, I didn't...."
"Just...don't talk right now, okay?" Sam raked his hands through his hair. "When I got that call from Bobby that you were back I should have been on the moon, and all I could think was 'that can't be true.' I couldn't believe it, because that would meant you really had just left."
"I didn't just leave. Look at me, you can see that."
"I know! I know that, but every time I look at you that all just comes back. I got so good at shutting all this out, Dean, I really did, and it's like all of that stopped working overnight."
Dean took a long, hard look at his brother. "Do you wish I really had been dead?"
"It would be easier." He let Sam out a shaky laugh that twisted a low sob. "God, who says that? What kind of person even thinks something like that?"
"Someone who's been through a hell of a lot. I know I let you down, Sam, but we're still brothers, that's all that matters."
"Dean, your brother is a puny fourteen-year-old who had every line of Star Wars memorized. I haven't been that kid in a long time and I can't go back. Not even for you."
Dean swallowed hard. "And who's your brother?'
Sam gave him a look that made him want to sink into the floor. "The guy who sat me down after Dad's funeral and told me not to worry about anything because he'd make sure I was never left alone."
Dean flashed back to that horrible day, right down to the itchy black suit and the smell of fresh dug earth. "I never meant to break that promise, Sam, you gotta believe that. And you weren't alone, you had Bobby...."
Sam looked up at him, pure disbelief in his eyes. "Dean, seriously? You think any court in the world is going to give Bobby Singer custody of someone?" And really, Dean had never asked what had happened, he'd just assumed. "He's not family, Dean, not legally, and it doesn't matter how we feel about him."
"Bobby never mentioned anything about that. You had a bed here, I just figured...."
"Yeah, Bobby got me back but not until I was in foster care for two years, and then the group home because I kept running away from the foster homes. Finally they just let me stay with Bobby because no one else wanted to deal with me. I lost a year of school, easy, I had to go at night and every summer just to graduate on time." He was shaking; when Dean moved to put a hand on his shoulder Sam flinched away. "I thought I was done with all this. I got into Stanford and I was gone, Dean, I didn't look back." His voice was flat and dead, like it belonged to someone else. "All those years I was in other people's houses, I kept waiting for you to come driving your car up and come rescue me. Even though I knew you had to be dead, every night I waited for you to come and get me. And then one day I just...stopped. I knew I had to depend on myself."
"You don't have to do that anymore."
"Dean, I've been on my own a long time now. I don't know how to do anything else."
"Jesus, Sammy, I...."
"Don't call me that." Sam got up and went back to packing. "See, that is exactly what's going to keep happening if I stick around. I need go back to my life. I like my life, I worked really hard to build something I could be proud of, and then I come back here and...." He sighed. "And I'm fourteen again, wondering why my brother isn't coming to get me."
"Sam, I'm sorry."
"I know." He zippered the bag closed. "I'm glad you're alive, whatever freaky thing happened. I really am. I just...can't be around you. I can't sit around waiting to be let down again. I worked too hard." He closed his eyes. "Just go, Dean, okay?"
Dean backed out of the room, then ran down the stairs and out the door before saying another word.
***
Dean pounded on the illusionary door until he heard the click and whirr of it opening. Castiel wasn't there, because of course he wouldn't be here when Dean was looking for him. He settled in to wait, tapping his fingers against the railing, the ship turning from the usual deep rose to a clear, hard white as it realized Dean wasn't calming down.
Castiel walked in a few minutes later, looking supremely annoyed. Dean wondered if the ship had called him. "Dean?" he said, pulling up short. "I hadn't expected to see you so soon...."
"Take me back," Dean said, not looking at him.
"I don't understand. Take you where?"
"You know where."
Castiel's head tilted, his brow furrowing. "I can't. You know that." Dean heard fear creep into his voice. "I thought we were past this."
"This can't work. I tried, man, I did, but I can't stay here."
"What's happened?" Castiel walked toward him, alarm bright in his eyes. "You were finally adjusting."
"This isn't about me 'adjusting.' It's not about school or this world or anything like that." He jumped to feet and started pacing. "I made my brother a promise, Cas, I don't get to back out of that just because it's hard."
"You will die, Dean."
"I don't care." He shouted the words into Castiel's face, a distant part of his mind giving Cas credit for not flinching back. "I. Don't. Care. I'm gonna keep my promise to Sam or die trying, that's what I should have done in the first place."
"Do not ask me to kill you, Dean. I won't."
"You don't get a choice here, Cas. Not when you didn't give me a choice." Dean gave him a hard look. "Take me back or I'll tell everyone about you. You can't leave the planet. I'll keep telling people until I find someone who'll believe me, and then you'll have all kinds of trouble. You think demons are bad? Wait until you've got the government at your door all fighting to see who gets to open you up first."
Castiel tilted his head, his eyes narrowed. "You won't."
Dean felt himself wilt. He wouldn't stoop that low, no matter now much he wanted to and they both knew it. "Please," he said, the fight bleeding out of him. "I need you to do this. I don't break promises, Cas. Not this one. I can't."
Castiel leaned over the console, his shoulders hunched and hands splayed flat against the controls. "Take off your jacket."
"What? Cas, what do you...."
Before Dean could say another word Castiel pulled a switch on the console and the lights went dark. He rounded back toward Dean. "Your jacket. Now."
Dean shrugged off his jacket and let it drop to the floor. "What the hell are you doing?"
"What you asked of me," he said. A shudder ran through the ship, a low creaking sound drifting up as the floor shook under their feet.
"Just like that? I thought my...life force or whatever wasn't strong enough."
"It's not." Castiel strode over to him, pressing one hand against the handprint on Dean's shoulder. "You'll have to use some of mine." The ship lurched sideways, an entirely different kind of speed from when Dean was piloting it. It only took a second before he couldn't breathe, his whole body squeezed under so much pressure it was like the universe itself was crushing him. He tried to speak but couldn't, his throat closing up. Dean realized he hadn't actually believed Castiel when he'd said this could kill him.
"Dean. Look at me." Dean looked up just as Castiel's eyes started to glow. All at once Dean felt a rush of energy pour into him, almost pushing him to his knees but all he cared about was that he could breathe again. "Just keep looking at me."
The heat radiating from the mark on his shoulder was overwhelming but Dean didn't dare look away from the glow in Castiel's eyes. The ship shook and groaned around them as they hurled through time, Dean barely able stand under onslaught of energy – and not just energy, Dean could feel memories coiling underneath the rush, memories no human had ever had.
That was when Dean realized Castiel's eyes weren't the only things glowing. "Cas. Cas stop." Dean could only stare as glowing cracks spread across his skin, light bleeding from him just the way it had when the demon was killing him. Dean felt him stagger as light exploded from his back, arcing into the wings Dean remembered glimpsing that night in the alley. The wings coiled around the two of them, spasming back once when Castiel let out a low, choked-off moan that stabbed through Dean like a knife. "Cas, this isn't what I want."
"No choice...you said," Castiel said, actually smiling as silver blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. His legs buckled and Dean held him up and the burning from the handprint was nothing compared to the heat pouring from Castiel, like he was seconds away from bursting into flames. "Dean," he murmured, staring back into Dean's eyes, the pale blue still just barely visible beneath the light.
"I got you, Cas," he whispered, tightening his grip. "I'm not gonna let you go."
He saw that flash of emotion in Castiel's eyes again, just like when Castiel had woken up to find Dean taking care of him after the attack. Before Dean could realize what was happening Castiel pressed forward and kissed him, his lips hot against Dean's and his free hand clutching onto Dean's shirt like that was the only thing keeping him upright. He shook when Dean cradled his head and kissed him back, deepening the kiss until Cas moaned deep in his throat. The memories kept flowing into Dean like a river, so many lifetimes worth Dean didn't know he could hold them all; Dean just kept himself focused on the kiss, on the way Cas' lips moved under Dean's, on his pulse racing under Dean's fingers. Dean lied to himself that if he kept kissing Castiel it didn't matter that the light was fading, those beautiful wings shriveling before his eyes. "You stay with me, Cas," he ordered, feeling Castiel shiver in response.
There was an instant where Dean felt like he could see through Castiel's eyes, the walls that kept them separate beings buckling and fading as Castiel poured the last drops of his life into Dean. As if he was the one doing it he felt Castiel whisper "Dean" against his lips; seconds later there was a deafening roar as the ship came to a sudden, screeching stop. The impact threw Dean off his feet and he flew into the wall; he came to a few seconds later staring up at the dark ship interior, smoke winding its way through the crosshatchings that always glowed to welcome Dean back. Everything was quiet and still, and it took Dean a second to realize how wrong that was. "Cas," he croaked out, choking on smoke. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Cas!"
His head swam with too many memories that weren't his, memories of standing under alien skies he had never visited, the sheer weight of thousands of years pressing him down into the floor. For just a second they'd been one person, no secrets, no separation between them, Castiel's mind overlapping his. Suddenly Dean could imagine all too well what it would feel like to not speak to another living being for one thousand years.
Dean pushed himself up, shaking his head; he forced himself to his feet and looked around, desperation choking him like a vise. "Cas, you fucking answer me!"
But Dean knew he wouldn't. He found Castiel a seconds later sprawled on his side with his eyes vacant and open, lying so still Dean felt a horrible surge of guilt. He'd told Castiel he wouldn't let him go.
Castiel wasn't breathing, his face already a gray-tinged blue. "You son of a bitch," Dean growled, trying in vain to find a pulse. "You don't get to skip out on me so easy." Dean looked around the ship but there was no miracle cure now; the ship was cold and dead, sending fear snaking through him. He'd always wondered just how connected Cas and his ship really were.
He pushed that aside, rolling Cas to his back and loosening his tie as he tried to remember the CPR course he'd taken freshmen year. "Just breathe, Cas," he whispered as he started the compressions. He could feel the memories already starting to fade like sand running through his fingers, the rush under his skin dying away.
It didn't take long for the burning ache to start in his shoulders, radiating down his arms with each compression. Every time Dean forced air into his lungs he thought about Castiel whispering his name right at the end, as if he'd wanted that to be the last thing he said before he died. Dean ground his teeth and pushed aside the exhaustion. He stopped himself from thinking about how CPR only worked 5% of the time and that went down fast the longer you kept at it. Cas wasn't human. What was true for humans wasn't true for him, Dean repeated that to himself with each breath. Every second Dean felt another of Castiel's memories slip away into nothing, the din in his mind turning to whispers and then to a silence as deep as the one filling the ship. "Breathe. I didn't ask you for any heroic sacrifices so you just fucking breathe." Dean knew from those fading memories that Castiel feared dying like this, his work half-finished, no hope of ever seeing his home sky again. Forgotten. Dean wasn't letting that happen, not on his account. He was not having it.
Just as Dean felt fatigue start to blur his vision he thought he felt a faint tremor run through the body beneath him. Two compressions later Dean saw his hand twitch. "Come on, Cas. Come back. You can do this." One compression more and Castiel's body jerked up as he heaved in a breath and God, Dean thought that breath was the single best thing he'd ever heard. He turned Castiel on his side, rubbing his back as he retched and tried to remember how breathing worked. "Jesus, Cas. Jesus, don't ever scare me like that again."
Castiel rolled back over and stared up at Dean. "My chest hurts."
"Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Took a while to get your heart going again." Dean stared as his color slowly came back, his fingers locked on the pulse point in Cas' wrist to convince himself his heart really was beating.
"Heard you calling me." Dean had never known someone's eyes could be this wide. "I never meant to hurt you, Dean," he whispered, low and intense like he was desperate for Dean to believe him.
"Cas, I know that," Dean said. "I do. The whole reason you didn't take me back in the first place was 'cause you thought it would kill me. I just don't get what got you to change your mind."
Castiel closed his eyes. "I was killing you anyway."
Dean shook his head and wrapped his arms around Castiel, picking him up from the floor. "No one's gonna die, Cas," he whispered into his ear. For a second he thought he would have to explain how hugs worked, too, but Cas' arms wrapped tight around him in return, his face pressing against the curve of Dean's neck. He could still feel the echo of longing that strung through those faded memories; Dean knew that while it might have been a thousand years since he'd spoken to someone, it had been so much longer since he'd been close enough to touch anyone. Dean stroked his fingers through Castiel's hair, not sure which of them was shaking harder. "Told you I wasn't letting you go."
Castiel just held on tighter. "Don't."
Dean closed his eyes and focused on Castiel's warm breath against his neck. "Hey," Dean whispered. "You told me researchers tend not to come back, right? You ever think maybe that's because some of them find somewhere else they'd rather be?" Dean leaned his back against the railing, stroking his fingers through Castiel's hair until the trembling eased. "You think you're good to stand yet?" he whispered into Castiel's ear. "Got a brother I want you to meet."
***
Dean's heart pounded so hard he felt light-headed. He glanced over at Castiel, looking strange and incongruous leaning against the wall next to Bobby's front door. "Let me talk to him first, okay?"
Before Dean could even get out his keys the door flew open, Sam looking up at him with his backpack balanced on one shoulder. "There you are," he said, rolling his eyes. "I thought I was gonna have to walk to school." He looked around Dean. "Hey, where's your car?"
Dean picked him up into an enormous hug before Sam could say another word. "God, Sammy, it's good to see you."
"Dean? What's with you? You stay out all night all the time."
"I'm not doing it any more, I promise." He put Sam down and closed the door. "You're not going to school today."
"Why not? What's...Did something happen?" His eyes went wide. "Is Bobby okay?"
"No, no, he's fine. Everyone's fine."
"Then what's going on, Dean? You're acting seriously weird."
Dean dropped himself down into Bobby's overstuffed chair. "You know that I'd never lie to you, right Sam? Not about anything big?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I know that."
"Okay, you gotta keep that in mind, because this is going to sound pretty nuts." He took a deep breath. "Aliens are real. I got kidnapped by one, and although he managed to bring me back it was really close. He's actually...um, well, standing outside. His ship got smashed up bringing me back so he's stranded here for a while." Dean left out that the place he'd been brought from was the future. Some things Sam didn't need to know. "Don't hold the whole kidnapping thing against him, okay? He's actually pretty okay."
Sam rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Dean. Why would aliens come all this way just to kidnap you?"
"Hey, I'll have you know I'm a very good representative of my species." He crouched down so they were at eye level. "This is serious, Sam." He let out a frustrated breath. "C'mon. If I was really making all this up, don't you think I'd come up with something that didn't make me sound like a total nutcase?"
Sam narrowed his eyes, an adult look that made him look way too much like the damaged, angry Sam Dean had left in the future. Dean realized this had been a mistake, the only people who could ever believe a story this crazy would either have to be crazy themselves or the biggest nerds on the planet.... "Prove it," Sam said, breaking into Dean's thoughts.
Dean loved the hell out of this kid. "Let's boldy go, then."
He led Sam outside to where Castiel was still standing like a trenchcoated sentinel. "Sam, this is Cas. Cas, Sam."
Castiel nodded. "Hello, Sam," he said, as formal as if he were meeting the president.
Sam didn't answer, studying Castiel with a long, up and down look. "You don't look like an alien."
Cas tilted his head to the side, studying Sam right back. "I'm using a matter converter to approximate a more appropriate appearance. My true form is much larger but not as dense as your own, and it exists in dimensions your eyes can't process without damage."
Most of that was Greek to Dean, but Sam just raised his eyebrows. "Cool." He looked around. "Dean said you had a space ship?"
Cas gave Dean an Oh, did he? look over Sam's shoulder. "Did he also tell you I can teleport?"
You would have thought Castiel had just said he could make it Christmas. "Prove it."
One wingbeat later they were standing outside that boarded up storefront. "Camouflage?" Sam guessed, beaming when Castiel nodded.
"The ship's quite damaged," Cas said as he opened the door, sounding exactly the way Dean did when there was something wrong with his car. "It won't be very impressive...."
Dean doubted Sam even heard him; he bolted past the two of them into the ship, practically vibrating with glee. "Cas, it's a spaceship and he's fourteen," Dean said. "It could be made of legos and he'd think it was awesome."
"It's big," Sam gushed. "Are we in another dimension or is this a tesseract?"
Castiel's brow furrowed. "A combination of those technologies, actually."
"Awesome. Like the TARDIS."
Cas gave Dean a questioning look but all Dean could do was shake his head. "Like I know?"
"Can I look around?" Sam shouted over his shoulder, already peeking around a corridor.
"Don't touch anything," Castiel said. "I don't know how damaged the interior is yet."
Sam nodded and disappeared around a corner, giving Dean the chance to lean close to Castiel's ear. "You are the biggest showoff, Cas." Castiel just answered with an affronted look that Dean couldn't help laughing at.
Castiel looked away. "I like hearing you laugh." He trailed his fingers along the front of the dark console, his eyes turning desolate. "I feel guilty," he said, like a confession. "Is that strange?"
"Think it'd be stranger if you didn't." Dean had hoped the ship would spring back to life with Cas, and walking in to see it still dark and cold had twisted Dean's stomach like a corkscrew. He couldn't imagine how much worse it had to feel for Cas, when the ship had served as a home and an only friend for so long.
"She was very good to me," Castiel murmured.
"Hey," Dean said, touching his arm. "Why don't I go make sure Sam doesn't wake up any of your science fair projects and you see if you can work any miracles, okay?"
"I don't have any living subjects on board," Castiel answered, already crouching under one of the cracked panels and clearly only half listening. Dean shook his head and went to go make sure Sam didn't make anything explode.
***
"Well, I don't think Sam's ever gonna leave," Dean announced, stomping his way back into the main room. "He's sacked out of in one of the rooms back there." He found Castiel spattered with multicolored oil, frowning over the main interface terminal. "All right, Doc, what's the prognosis?"
"We're about to find out," Castiel murmured.
He touched one of the panels and Dean heard a low hum, one that went on long enough that Dean wondered if the ship was about to explode. Moments after Dean had that thought the screen flickered to life, putting out a dim glow. It wasn't anything close to full strength but Dean felt his heart squeeze at how Castiel's eyes lit up with delight. He looked up and saw those crosshatchings start to glow too, working through the spectrum before settling on that familiar rose. "There you are," Dean whispered, surprised at the strength of the relief washing through him. "You don't get to run out on me either." Castiel moved up to join him, the exhaustion on his face not quite enough to hide the joy. "Guess you got your miracle."
Castiel sighed. "The damage is extensive," he said, looking around. "I'll have to rebuild the engines. The time circuit as well."
"But it can all be fixed, right?"
Cas nodded. "With time." He sighed again. "Well, everything except the matter converter. The element that runs on isn't native here, I'll have to make sure she's spaceworthy before even attempting it."
Dean got a kick out of Castiel coming around to calling his ship "she." "Sorry you're stuck like this for a while."
Castiel's gaze dropped to the floor. "There are advantages to this form," he murmured, giving Dean a sideways look that made him lightheaded.
Dean just leaned against the railing. "You kissed me."
Castiel looked away again. "You spoke very highly of that," he said, a blush creeping up over his face. "I was curious."
"Man, why wait until then?"
He crossed his arms over his chest, still looking down at the floor. "You were always so disgusted by the idea of me touching you. I didn't think it would be welcome." He let out a soft sigh. "I doubted I would get another chance."
Dean shifted over to stand in front of him, his arms on either side of of Castiel to pin him against the the railing. "Hey. Look at me." When he looked up Dean kissed him, the little sigh of surprise from Castiel rushing through him. Dean pressed him against the railing and coaxed his mouth open, sliding his arm past the coat to settle one hand against the small of his back. Castiel took the hint, unfurling his arms to wrap around Dean's waist. For someone who'd never done this before Dean thought he was catching on pretty fast. "We're gonna have lot of chances, Cas."
"It will be dangerous to associate with me," he murmured, still so close Dean wanted to lean forward and kiss him again. "Once it's obvious I'm stranded I'll be a target, like before---"
Dean nipped at his lower lip before Castiel could even think about finishing that sentence. "Don't you dare try to warn me off." He sucked on Castiel's lip until he drew out a soft little moan, the sound hitting Dean low and deep. "You got me and Sam watching your back now. And trust me, that kid could not be more up for hunting bad guy aliens."
Castiel let out a long breath. "Thank you." He looked up at Dean then, a glint in his eye that made it impossible for Dean to breathe for a second. He stroked just the tips of his fingers down Dean's arm, just that light touch making Dean shiver. He remembered that Castiel had studied him for ten years, and that wasn't even counting the most recent sessions. For all he knew Cas had his whole nervous system mapped out, knew to push buttons Dean had no idea existed.
Dean grinned. The guy was going to take him apart.
He kissed Castiel again, pulling him closer by his hips. "So. Heard we got a lot of work to do," he whispered, teasing his tongue around the edge of Castiel's lip.
Castiel nodded, already breathless, his eyes wide as he waited to see what Dean was going to do next. "Yes, a very---" He gasped when Dean licked up his neck, tipping his head as one of those rare smiles played over his lips. Dean had some experience pushing buttons too, after all. "A very large amount," he finally forced out, seemingly determined to finish his sentence.
"We should get on with it then," Dean whispered into his ear, wrapping Cas' tie around his hand.
Castiel nodded, shivering when Dean slipped one hand past his suit jacket and down his ribs. "Where do you think we should start?"
Dean just grinned, sliding Castiel's coat from his shoulders as he leaned back in close. "Right here sounds pretty good to me."
-fin-
Back to Part 1
Back to Masterpost
Author:
misachanFandom: Supernatural
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 9,440 (Total 18,440)
Summary: Dean wakes up one morning to find that while only one night passed for him the rest of the world has moved ahead eight years. That's a lot to catch up on, and repairing the mess his long absence made of his life and the lives of those around him would be easier if he had any idea what in the hell had happened. Then one night Dean spots a stranger in a trenchcoat watching him and knows he's found his first clue. An AU based on Disney's Flight of the Navigator, written for
super_disney.Dean was dreaming. He dreamed he was running through twisting alleyways, shoes loud on wet pavement and this form was so slow, he should slip through space like lightning but he was squeezed into flesh and bone and it was so slow. His chest burned; the gas exchange was inefficient, the lungs not able to process oxygen fast enough to keep the muscles functioning. He needed to rest, his muscles were shaking too hard to hold him up much longer but he couldn't stop. Not with it still following.
His teleport was broken and it was still following.
He skidded to a stop on the slick ground, his exhausted legs finally failing him. He saw a wall before and high walls to either side, the only way out behind him and how many blind alleys could there be in this place? He pushed himself back to his feet but it was too late, he heard steps coming towards him, slow now, no need to rush anymore. He backed himself against the wall, looking for a weapon but there was nothing. Help me.
Cas? Dean could feel the dream separate from him, Castiel's thoughts and impressions still overlapping his own. Cas, where are you?
Dean? The thought was like a hand reaching for him, but an instant later he felt something slam him against the alley wall hard enough to drive the air out of his lungs. Dean, I don't.... The thought crumbled into a convulsive surge of pain so strong and deep it jarred Dean awake.
Dean bolted upright in bed, the handprint on his shoulder burning. He pulled on jeans and a pair of sneakers before he could even process he was doing it, his hands shaking hard enough for him to waste precious seconds. He'd already thrown on his jacket and grabbed his bat from the closet before his sleep-addled brain could catch up and ask what the hell are you doing?
He paid the thought no mind. Maybe he still hated Castiel, maybe he didn't, but he'd never felt that kind of terror before in his life. Sam was still downstairs and even if he hadn't been, the window was faster; Dean focused on the fleeting glimpse he'd gotten of Castiel's surroundings, broken neon bar sign, knocked over street sign just outside the alley, and gritted his teeth and he dropped to the ground. Castiel might not have known where he was, but that was okay. Dean did. And it wasn't far.
By the time he got to the alley he wasn't even out of breath, and what he saw made Dean's hand go so tight around the bat it hurt. Castiel's face was a bloody mess, that silver blood flowing down from his nose and a cut over his eyes, but Dean was almost happy the...it looked like a man but Dean would bet money it wasn't anymore human than Castiel himself was, but Dean was so happy it had taken the time to rough Cas up because Dean knew there no way he could have gotten there in time otherwise. Castiel was surrounded by light, tendrils of it leaking from the seams of his constructed human body like he was about to split apart. The..thing attacking him had its arm buried in Castiel's chest, white light bleeding everywhere. Dean could see Cas trying to push his attacker away, trying to fight but there was nothing he could do. He felt Castiel's eyes lock with his over the attacker's shoulder and Jesus, Dean could see how much this hurt right there in his eyes. That made the decision for Dean; he stepped forward, bat over his shoulder, and swung as hard as he could at the attacker's head.
The thing staggered back, almost stumbling into Dean; when it turned around Dean recognized the face of the guy who always stood outside the hardware store hustling change – the face, but not the eyes. Its eyes were a flat, bottomless black and it hissed as it stepped toward Dean, skin hanging off its skull like a cheap Halloween mask. The blinding light blinked out and Dean saw Castiel crumple against the alley wall in his peripheral vision, one hand pressed to his chest but Dean didn't see a wound or any more blood so he focused back on the thing in front of him. It lunged at him, so fast Dean had to jump aside; it still managed to clip him on the shoulder hard enough to send Dean almost stumbling off his feet. He took an off-balance, blind swing with the bat and felt his stomach lurch up into his throat when the bat connected with the thing's neck hard enough for something to give, its head lolling at a sick angle. And that still only drove the thing to its knees.
It spit black bile at Dean, grinning as Dean bashed it in the head once more time. It flopped over, seizing once, the rictus grin still on its face, then it dissolved into a cloud of noxious black smoke that sent Dean reeling back. For a second his eyes burned too much to see anything and Dean wondered just how many times he was going to go blind thanks to Castiel.
It passed, though, and when his vision cleared he could see that he and Castiel were alone in the alley, Castiel still slumped over against the wall. "Cas? You okay?" When he crouched down Castiel grabbed his arm, his eyes wide with panic; this close Dean could hear him wheezing for air, like he was in the middle of a bad asthma attack. Or like that son of a bitch collapsed his lungs. Dean grabbed Cas' chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. "Cas, what do I have to do?" He knew he couldn't take the guy to a hospital, he couldn't pass for human well enough. Letting him die here would be kinder.
His lips were already turning blue. "Cas!" Dean said again, shaking him this time. "I want to help but you gotta tell me what to do."
Castiel squeezed his arm, nails digging in until Dean knew they were leaving marks. "Ship," he finally forced out.
"Just get you back to your ship?" Castiel nodded, slumping forward into Dean's arms like that took the last scrap of energy he had. "Okay, okay, you got it. Good thing you're not too far away." Castiel didn't resist when Dean picked him up; Dean could see he was fading in and out, his eyes already glassy. "You just keep fucking breathing."
Dean had to be careful that no saw, that no one asked questions, that no one tried to stop them and it took too much time. Dean fought down the panic as Castiel slowly went limp in his arms, the sound of him fighting for air fading with each step. By the time he finally kicked down the door to the ship (which for what was supposed to be an illusion sure cracked open convincingly) Dean didn't know how long he'd been without air, but he was still and blue. He told himself Cas' body could handle more than a true human's, the way he healed was proof enough of that. No human could have survived that attack. Dean remembered when they'd met he would have been happy to watch the alien die and wondered when the hell that had changed.
The second he stepped into the ship he heard a metallic sound like a door slamming shut behind him; the lights turned to a flat, hostile red and he felt a vibration run through the metal floor and up through his bones. Dean wondered, and not for the first time, just how alive Castiel's ship was because Dean could swear the thing felt scared. The curved exam table where Dean spent more of his time here grew from a flash of suspended silver to full size in an eyeblink; Dean laid Cas on the table and a device grew from the side of the table, a long hose ending in a breathing mask just like one he would expect to see in a hospital, some kind of chemical-smelling smoke coming from it in a gray cloud.
Dean just had to get him breathing again first. The pulse was gone in his wrist and while Dean thought he still felt a faint one in his neck, it wasn't going to last. "Adrenaline," he told the ship. "He needs a shot of adrenaline." The ship shuddered once, and Dean knew if it was a person it would be tilting its head at him just the way Castiel did when Dean used a word he didn't know. Dean rubbed one hand over his face, his mind racing as he felt that already weak pulse fade. He realized Castiel probably wouldn't call it adrenaline, whenever he talked science he always used the most technical terms possible, Dean suspected specifically to show off. The chemical formula for adrenaline just wasn't the kind of information Dean walked around with.
He wished Sam was here. This was exactly the kind of nonsense Sam always knew.
Then it hit Dean that yes, Sam did know, because Dean had been up to midnight making sure he did. "C9 H13 NO3," Dean blurted out, the posterboard he'd written that on a few weeks or over eights ago depending on who you asked suddenly clear in his mind. Fuck you, I don't help you with your homework. For a second Dean thought that still wasn't specific enough and told himself that hey, he'd tried.
Then out of what seemed to be a pocket in thin air dropped a device that looked somewhere between a syringe and a handgun. Dean was so surprised he almost dropped it, but Dean grabbed it and aimed it right over Castiel's heart. The thing even had a trigger. "Hope you know what you're doing," he murmured, half to the ship and half to himself, then he pulled.
Castiel arched up in a sudden, violent spasm, forcing Dean to grab him just to keep him on the table. His eyes flew open, panicked blue circles that darted around the room and it was clear to Dean in that first second Cas had no idea where he was. Dean held him down, pressing the mask over his face and standing over him to look right into his eyes. "Just breathe that in, Cas," Dean ordered, hoping Cas could understand him. "Calm down and breathe."
Castiel reached for him, his eyes still wide and Dean grabbed his hand without even thinking about it. "You're gonna be okay. Just breathe." Castiel quieted, staring at Dean and squeezing his hand so hard he could feel his fingers going numb. Cas' eyelids slowly started to flutter. "That's right," Dean said, keeping his voice low and soothing. "Rest and you'll be fine." Finally Castiel's eyes closed; Dean straightened the mask over his face, his legs shaking as his own adrenaline rush faded away and left him cored.
Dean didn't know when the ship had moved a chair under him but he was just happy he wasn't on the floor. "Wish my own baby was as accommodating as you sometimes." Which made him feel a little guilty and he told himself he'd give his girl a good waxing when this was over.
Castiel's color came back slowly, and when Dean checked his pulse it was still weak and rapid. Which might be normal for him, for all Dean knew, but he was shivering too, his hand cold in Dean's. Dean told himself it wasn't his problem, he'd already gone above and beyond as it was. All he needed to do was get home before anyone realized he was gone.
The way Castiel had looked at him kept playing behind his eyes, like he'd thought holding onto Dean had been keeping him alive. He eased Cas out of his coat, careful not to dislodge the breathing mask, then folded it up under his head. After looking around the room for a second and not seeing anything that wasn't made of metal he sighed and shrugged out of his own jacket, spreading it across Castiel's chest. "Best I can do, okay?"
The colors in the ship muted when Dean settled back in the chair and, after a moment's hesitation, took Castiel's hand again. "Okay, okay, I'll stick around a few more minutes," he said, shaking his head. "Just because I like you, okay? Nothing to do with him." The ceiling turned the same soft rose color it did when he showed up for the examinations. "But just a few more minutes."
***
Dean jolted awake when he felt Castiel begin to stir. He glared at the ship, as if it was its fault he'd fallen asleep, then realized he was still holding Castiel's hand and jerked away just before Cas' bleary eyes blinked open. "Dean?" he murmured, the word muffled by the mask; he moved it away, wincing as if that had hurt.
"Yeah," was all Dean said. Now that the emergency was over he could feel the resentment boiling back, resentment and confusion at why he'd done all that in the first place. "You've looked better."
"I've felt better." He got the feeling Castiel had been surprised to see him and was choosing his words.
"How much do you remember?"
"Enough." He rubbed his chest, wincing again.
"You wanna tell me exactly what that was back there?"
"I told you we have enemies. That was one of them." He sighed. "I believe the closest translation for our word for them would be demon. I've never known what they call themselves. They live on despair and fear. It's like food to them."
"Why the hell is my planet suddenly crawling with aliens?"
"I suspect this planet has been visited by more than one alien in the course of its history, Dean. Sapient races are rare enough that discovering a new one is a cause for celebration. There's a myth your people have about vampires that makes me wonder if they haven't been here a very long time." His expression darkened. "We normally don't stay in one place as long as I have. It must have realized my ship was disabled and seen its chance."
"What was it doing to you?"
"Trying to destabilize the matter conversion." Dean realized he must have looked as confused as he felt, because Castiel continued,"The form I'm using is more durable than a true human's, but it's still more fragile than my true form. The creature was trying to reverse the process so I would lose cohesion."
Dean ran that through his mental translator. "The thing was trying to make you explode?"
"Essentially, yes." He made soft, sharp sound, his hand pressing to his chest as his jaw went tight. "As it was, it still damaged me severely."
His eyes were already blinking closed again. "You should go back to sleep. Finish resting up," Dean said, not knowing what else to say. For the first time Castiel seemed to notice Dean's jacket spread over him; he traced along the edge of the collar, glancing up at Dean. "You were cold," Dean said, fidgeting in his seat, blushing despite the edge he put to the words.
There was a flash of overwhelmed emotion in Castiel's eyes that made Dean look away. He didn't glance back up until Castiel turned his head, his eyes closed. His hand twitched once, as if he hadn't realized Dean wasn't holding it any more, and Dean refused to feel guilty about that. "Why did you stay?" he whispered, something fragile in his voice Dean had never heard before. "You despise me."
Dean just sighed. "I don't hate anyone enough to want them to die alone millions of miles from home."
Castiel was quiet for a long time. "You are a very good representative of your species, Dean." His words were starting to slur, exhaustion blurring the edges. "Thank you for hearing me."
"Yeah, well, you jumped into my dream pretty loud."
"You didn't have to answer."
"If you didn't think I'd care, why bother?"
Castiel's voice was so soft Dean almost couldn't make out the words. "I have no one else."
Dean shook his head, adjusting the coat around him. "Get some rest. This is getting too sappy for me, anyway."
Castiel opened his eyes again and there was something fragile there now, too. "I would never have taken you if I'd known it would cause you so much harm."
It was the first time he'd used the word taken instead of something more justifiable. "I know," Dean said and he felt that hard knot he'd been carrying in his chest since he'd woken up in the future start to loosen. "Get some rest," he said again, pressing the mask back over his face.
Castiel nodded, his eyes closing again. He breathed deep, the pain lines in his face easing. "Can you stay a while longer?" he whispered, his voice barely audible.
He didn't reach for Dean again but he might as well have. "Sure," he said, grumbling more than he meant to. He watched as Castiel's breathing went slow and deep, shifting in his seat. Dean waited until he was absolutely sure he was asleep before taking his hand again.
***
Almost a week went by before Dean saw Castiel again. He told himself he needed the time to make things right with Sam – he'd come back from the mess with the demon to find Sam waiting for him in the living room in the dark, a bottle of Bobby's good whiskey clutched half empty in one fist, giving Dean a guilty jolt when he remembered that he'd promised Sam he wouldn't disappear and then had done just that – but even aside from Sam he just needed to get his head on straight. A little distance was exactly what he needed.
Castiel either seemed to agree or just knew better than to get in Dean's way because Dean didn't spot him once, not even in a dream. The long silence finally started to get in Dean's head; he found himself up late at night wondering if another of those demons had tracked him down, or if he hadn't been stalking Dean because he was still too injured to leave. Or, and Dean didn't know why the thought pissed him off so much, he'd decided to skip town; Dean told himself that if Cas decided to run off without saying a word Dean was find some way to drag him back and punch him in the face one more time.
Finally Dean decided enough was enough and headed down, sneaking out after Sam fell asleep. When he saw the familiar shuttered storefront Dean hadn't expected the flush of relief. He pushed that down and knocked in the pattern Cas had taught him, waiting to hear the whirr and click of the true door opening. He looked around to make sure no one was watching before walking in, even though he knew the illusion could probably take care of that. "Cas? You decent?"
"I...am I what?"
Dean grinned. "Never mind. Just messing with you." His voice was muffled and coming from the back of the room; Dean circled around, tapping his knuckles against the console railing in greeting . He saw Castiel's trenchcoat and suit jacket thrown over one of the railings and frowned. "Cas? Everything cool?"
"I'm fine." There was a pause, and then, "That is what that means, right?"
"Actually think I kind of missed this," Dean said, shaking his head. He finally found Cas crouched under one of the panels, his sleeves pushed up and his shirt spattered with what smelled like oil despite being fluorescent green. "Interrupting something?"
Castiel looked up at him, wiping more green oil off his hands. "Hello, Dean."
"Hey, Cas. Been kind of quiet lately."
Castiel nodded his head toward the open panel. "I've been redoubling my repair efforts."
"Any progress?"
Castiel fitted the panel back into place, a satisfied glint in his eye. "Some."
"So...you'll be out of here soon, or what?"
"I can't break atmosphere yet, but the engines are functional." He crouched back down, setting some dials. "Would you like to help me test them?"
"Um...sure." He moved to stand over Castiel, staring up at the computer screen and its as-always incomprehensible readouts. "So, what do you want me to do? Stand over here and...um watch stuff, I guess?"
"Actually, I thought you could pilot." He straightened back up, that glint in his eyes again. "Would that interest you?"
As if Castiel hadn't already known how Dean would answer that. "Dude, that would be awesome if I had any idea how to pilot a space ship."
That seemed to amuse Cas. "It's quite intuitive. I need someone to navigate for me while I keep my attention on the engine's functions."
There was a shimmer of silver light, just like the one he'd form the exam table after the attack, but this one formed itself into a wide chair situated in the center of the room. Dean narrowed his eyes. "Dude. Is that the chair from the Enterprise?"
He hadn't known Castiel could blush. "Obviously I've always piloted in my true form, not this one. I've seen that in your memories. I thought you might...I could change it, if you like."
"Don't you fucking dare." Dean bounded over and sat down. "So, how do I do this?"
"Picture in your mind where you want the ship to go. I would use coordinates but landmarks would do as well, the programming will take care of avoiding any obstacles. Once I have the engines fully powered it will follow the course you lay."
"She, Cas. She'll follow the course."
Castiel kept setting various dials, not pausing to look at Dean. "You've used that terminology before and I've never understood why."
Dean shook his head. "Cars and ships are always girls, Cas. Everyone knows that."
That did make Castiel turn around to frown at him. "Why would I gender my ship that way?"
"Not something you do, Cas, just something that is. This is law of the universe stuff. You gotta show her some respect. I know with my own baby, if you're good to her then she'll be good to you."
Castiel pulled one last switch, then stepped back. "All right, Dean, now it's up to you. Where would you like to go?"
Dean licked his lips. He was starting to wonder if he had the nerve for this after all. "Anywhere?"
"Anywhere on the planet you can imagine." He tapped his fingers against the console. "Avoiding jungles and caves might be a good idea. I'm not...entirely confident that the maneuverability is back to one hundred percent."
"No jungles, no caves, you got it," Dean said, not sure why he would pick either of those options anyway. He closed his eyes eyes and let out a long breath. "Egypt," he finally said. "The pyramids. I've always wanted to see the pyramids." Dean held on tight as the ship lurched straight up, just like a Blackbird he'd ridden in once as a birthday present set up by his father. Then there was just the overwhelming sensation of speed, impossible speed that warped the air around him and sent his stomach up into his throat.
"Calm down," he heard Castiel say, his low voice somehow right by his ear despite the fact that Dean knew damned well he was standing across the room. "Keep your focus on your destination."
Dean nodded, getting a clear focus on every picture of the pyramids he'd ever seen. "All right, girl, it's you and me. Let's do this." He felt the ship give a little shudder, like a person nodding, then the speed picked up even more until Dean thought he was going to turn inside out. Just when Dean thought he wasn't going to be able to stand any more of this the ship came to a sudden stop, not lurching or crashing but just as if it had never been moving at all.
A few seconds went by while Dean waited to see if they were all going to die, then he heard Castiel's voice. "You should probably open your eyes at some point."
Dean blinked his eyes open and sucked in a disbelieving breath. The front view screen was open and the top point of one of the pyramids was so close Dean thought he could reach out and touch it. "Shit. Is that for real?"
"Of course it is," Castiel said, sounding entirely unimpressed. He frowned down at his console. "That went tolerably well."
"Can we go somewhere else?"
"Absolutely. The more tests, the better."
Dean nodded. "Cool. Um. The Grand Canyon. Let's try that." There was less of a lurch this time, Dean supposed because the ship was already in the air, then that speed kicked in again. Dean thought he was already getting used to it. When he opened his eyes he found himself staring directly down into the canyon. "That is fucking awesome," he said, laughing as he stepped as close to the edge as he dared.
When he turned around he saw Castiel staring at him, like he'd never seen Dean before. "Dude. Don't you have stuff to keep track of?"
"Yes, it's just...I've never seen you laugh before."
"Haven't had much reason to lately." He stared back into the canyon, the rush almost like a drug. "Can we do that again?"
"As much as you like."
Dean nodded, sprawling back into the chair. They spent the rest of the night hopping to every spot on the map Dean could think of, Rio de Janeiro, Tokyo, the Great Wall, anywhere and everywhere. They buzzed the Eiffel Tower and followed it up with landing on the tip of the Washington Monument, Dean's confidence growing with each jump. Dean thought that if he hadn't gotten too tired to focus they never would have stopped. Finally when they were safely docked back in the empty lot (Dean let Castiel handle the actual landing) Dean slumped over in his chair, his nerves still buzzing. He didn't know if that had been Castiel's version of a thank you or an apology or something in the middle but Dean thought it was awesome either way. "Thanks, Cas."
"It was my pleasure." Castiel was still giving him that weird stare but Dean was too hopped up to even notice. Dean let out a long, exhausted sigh. "I gotta get home. When you get the ship able to go into space again, can I help you test that, too?"
Castiel nodded. "Of course."
"Cool. I gotta go."
"Don't stay away so long," Castiel said just before Dean passed through the door. "I would welcome your company."
Dean grinned. "Yeah, I missed you too, I guess." When he walked away from the ship toward home Dean couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this happy.
***
Dean walked up to find Bobby pacing up and down in front of the door. "Boy, where the hell have you been?"
"What? I had a late night."
Bobby grabbed his arm. "You go upstairs and you talk to him."
"Why? What's wrong with Sam?"
"You just go up there right now and talk him out of leaving right now, 'cause I get the feeling he's not planning on coming back."
Dean didn't have to hear any more; he ran up the stairs and found Sam packing his few belongings back into his suitcase. "Sam, what the hell?"
Sam just sighed. "I hoped I'd be gone before you got back."
"I thought you didn't have to go back until the new semester started."
"I don't have to go back, Dean, I want to." He sat on the bed, his head in his hands. "I can't do this any more," he said, suddenly sounding much younger.
"Do what? Tell me where your head's at."
Sam still wouldn't look at him. "I thought you were dead."
"Sam, c'mon. I know I was out late tonight, but I'm not gonna disappear again."
"I didn't mean tonight, although God, that's part of it, that you can't be an hour late without me wondering if it's happened again. Every day I have to wake up and wonder if this is the day it's all going to happen again, if this morning is the last time I'm going to see you."
"I told you...."
"You told me a lot of things," Sam spit out, the words barbed. "And you can't promise me that, you don't even know what happened." At that Dean was ready to tell Sam everything, whatever might come of it but Sam didn't give him the chance. "All those years, I was sure you were dead. Everyone told me you'd just taken off, you'd show back up but I knew. I knew you'd never just up and leave."
"Sam, I didn't...."
"Just...don't talk right now, okay?" Sam raked his hands through his hair. "When I got that call from Bobby that you were back I should have been on the moon, and all I could think was 'that can't be true.' I couldn't believe it, because that would meant you really had just left."
"I didn't just leave. Look at me, you can see that."
"I know! I know that, but every time I look at you that all just comes back. I got so good at shutting all this out, Dean, I really did, and it's like all of that stopped working overnight."
Dean took a long, hard look at his brother. "Do you wish I really had been dead?"
"It would be easier." He let Sam out a shaky laugh that twisted a low sob. "God, who says that? What kind of person even thinks something like that?"
"Someone who's been through a hell of a lot. I know I let you down, Sam, but we're still brothers, that's all that matters."
"Dean, your brother is a puny fourteen-year-old who had every line of Star Wars memorized. I haven't been that kid in a long time and I can't go back. Not even for you."
Dean swallowed hard. "And who's your brother?'
Sam gave him a look that made him want to sink into the floor. "The guy who sat me down after Dad's funeral and told me not to worry about anything because he'd make sure I was never left alone."
Dean flashed back to that horrible day, right down to the itchy black suit and the smell of fresh dug earth. "I never meant to break that promise, Sam, you gotta believe that. And you weren't alone, you had Bobby...."
Sam looked up at him, pure disbelief in his eyes. "Dean, seriously? You think any court in the world is going to give Bobby Singer custody of someone?" And really, Dean had never asked what had happened, he'd just assumed. "He's not family, Dean, not legally, and it doesn't matter how we feel about him."
"Bobby never mentioned anything about that. You had a bed here, I just figured...."
"Yeah, Bobby got me back but not until I was in foster care for two years, and then the group home because I kept running away from the foster homes. Finally they just let me stay with Bobby because no one else wanted to deal with me. I lost a year of school, easy, I had to go at night and every summer just to graduate on time." He was shaking; when Dean moved to put a hand on his shoulder Sam flinched away. "I thought I was done with all this. I got into Stanford and I was gone, Dean, I didn't look back." His voice was flat and dead, like it belonged to someone else. "All those years I was in other people's houses, I kept waiting for you to come driving your car up and come rescue me. Even though I knew you had to be dead, every night I waited for you to come and get me. And then one day I just...stopped. I knew I had to depend on myself."
"You don't have to do that anymore."
"Dean, I've been on my own a long time now. I don't know how to do anything else."
"Jesus, Sammy, I...."
"Don't call me that." Sam got up and went back to packing. "See, that is exactly what's going to keep happening if I stick around. I need go back to my life. I like my life, I worked really hard to build something I could be proud of, and then I come back here and...." He sighed. "And I'm fourteen again, wondering why my brother isn't coming to get me."
"Sam, I'm sorry."
"I know." He zippered the bag closed. "I'm glad you're alive, whatever freaky thing happened. I really am. I just...can't be around you. I can't sit around waiting to be let down again. I worked too hard." He closed his eyes. "Just go, Dean, okay?"
Dean backed out of the room, then ran down the stairs and out the door before saying another word.
***
Dean pounded on the illusionary door until he heard the click and whirr of it opening. Castiel wasn't there, because of course he wouldn't be here when Dean was looking for him. He settled in to wait, tapping his fingers against the railing, the ship turning from the usual deep rose to a clear, hard white as it realized Dean wasn't calming down.
Castiel walked in a few minutes later, looking supremely annoyed. Dean wondered if the ship had called him. "Dean?" he said, pulling up short. "I hadn't expected to see you so soon...."
"Take me back," Dean said, not looking at him.
"I don't understand. Take you where?"
"You know where."
Castiel's head tilted, his brow furrowing. "I can't. You know that." Dean heard fear creep into his voice. "I thought we were past this."
"This can't work. I tried, man, I did, but I can't stay here."
"What's happened?" Castiel walked toward him, alarm bright in his eyes. "You were finally adjusting."
"This isn't about me 'adjusting.' It's not about school or this world or anything like that." He jumped to feet and started pacing. "I made my brother a promise, Cas, I don't get to back out of that just because it's hard."
"You will die, Dean."
"I don't care." He shouted the words into Castiel's face, a distant part of his mind giving Cas credit for not flinching back. "I. Don't. Care. I'm gonna keep my promise to Sam or die trying, that's what I should have done in the first place."
"Do not ask me to kill you, Dean. I won't."
"You don't get a choice here, Cas. Not when you didn't give me a choice." Dean gave him a hard look. "Take me back or I'll tell everyone about you. You can't leave the planet. I'll keep telling people until I find someone who'll believe me, and then you'll have all kinds of trouble. You think demons are bad? Wait until you've got the government at your door all fighting to see who gets to open you up first."
Castiel tilted his head, his eyes narrowed. "You won't."
Dean felt himself wilt. He wouldn't stoop that low, no matter now much he wanted to and they both knew it. "Please," he said, the fight bleeding out of him. "I need you to do this. I don't break promises, Cas. Not this one. I can't."
Castiel leaned over the console, his shoulders hunched and hands splayed flat against the controls. "Take off your jacket."
"What? Cas, what do you...."
Before Dean could say another word Castiel pulled a switch on the console and the lights went dark. He rounded back toward Dean. "Your jacket. Now."
Dean shrugged off his jacket and let it drop to the floor. "What the hell are you doing?"
"What you asked of me," he said. A shudder ran through the ship, a low creaking sound drifting up as the floor shook under their feet.
"Just like that? I thought my...life force or whatever wasn't strong enough."
"It's not." Castiel strode over to him, pressing one hand against the handprint on Dean's shoulder. "You'll have to use some of mine." The ship lurched sideways, an entirely different kind of speed from when Dean was piloting it. It only took a second before he couldn't breathe, his whole body squeezed under so much pressure it was like the universe itself was crushing him. He tried to speak but couldn't, his throat closing up. Dean realized he hadn't actually believed Castiel when he'd said this could kill him.
"Dean. Look at me." Dean looked up just as Castiel's eyes started to glow. All at once Dean felt a rush of energy pour into him, almost pushing him to his knees but all he cared about was that he could breathe again. "Just keep looking at me."
The heat radiating from the mark on his shoulder was overwhelming but Dean didn't dare look away from the glow in Castiel's eyes. The ship shook and groaned around them as they hurled through time, Dean barely able stand under onslaught of energy – and not just energy, Dean could feel memories coiling underneath the rush, memories no human had ever had.
That was when Dean realized Castiel's eyes weren't the only things glowing. "Cas. Cas stop." Dean could only stare as glowing cracks spread across his skin, light bleeding from him just the way it had when the demon was killing him. Dean felt him stagger as light exploded from his back, arcing into the wings Dean remembered glimpsing that night in the alley. The wings coiled around the two of them, spasming back once when Castiel let out a low, choked-off moan that stabbed through Dean like a knife. "Cas, this isn't what I want."
"No choice...you said," Castiel said, actually smiling as silver blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. His legs buckled and Dean held him up and the burning from the handprint was nothing compared to the heat pouring from Castiel, like he was seconds away from bursting into flames. "Dean," he murmured, staring back into Dean's eyes, the pale blue still just barely visible beneath the light.
"I got you, Cas," he whispered, tightening his grip. "I'm not gonna let you go."
He saw that flash of emotion in Castiel's eyes again, just like when Castiel had woken up to find Dean taking care of him after the attack. Before Dean could realize what was happening Castiel pressed forward and kissed him, his lips hot against Dean's and his free hand clutching onto Dean's shirt like that was the only thing keeping him upright. He shook when Dean cradled his head and kissed him back, deepening the kiss until Cas moaned deep in his throat. The memories kept flowing into Dean like a river, so many lifetimes worth Dean didn't know he could hold them all; Dean just kept himself focused on the kiss, on the way Cas' lips moved under Dean's, on his pulse racing under Dean's fingers. Dean lied to himself that if he kept kissing Castiel it didn't matter that the light was fading, those beautiful wings shriveling before his eyes. "You stay with me, Cas," he ordered, feeling Castiel shiver in response.
There was an instant where Dean felt like he could see through Castiel's eyes, the walls that kept them separate beings buckling and fading as Castiel poured the last drops of his life into Dean. As if he was the one doing it he felt Castiel whisper "Dean" against his lips; seconds later there was a deafening roar as the ship came to a sudden, screeching stop. The impact threw Dean off his feet and he flew into the wall; he came to a few seconds later staring up at the dark ship interior, smoke winding its way through the crosshatchings that always glowed to welcome Dean back. Everything was quiet and still, and it took Dean a second to realize how wrong that was. "Cas," he croaked out, choking on smoke. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Cas!"
His head swam with too many memories that weren't his, memories of standing under alien skies he had never visited, the sheer weight of thousands of years pressing him down into the floor. For just a second they'd been one person, no secrets, no separation between them, Castiel's mind overlapping his. Suddenly Dean could imagine all too well what it would feel like to not speak to another living being for one thousand years.
Dean pushed himself up, shaking his head; he forced himself to his feet and looked around, desperation choking him like a vise. "Cas, you fucking answer me!"
But Dean knew he wouldn't. He found Castiel a seconds later sprawled on his side with his eyes vacant and open, lying so still Dean felt a horrible surge of guilt. He'd told Castiel he wouldn't let him go.
Castiel wasn't breathing, his face already a gray-tinged blue. "You son of a bitch," Dean growled, trying in vain to find a pulse. "You don't get to skip out on me so easy." Dean looked around the ship but there was no miracle cure now; the ship was cold and dead, sending fear snaking through him. He'd always wondered just how connected Cas and his ship really were.
He pushed that aside, rolling Cas to his back and loosening his tie as he tried to remember the CPR course he'd taken freshmen year. "Just breathe, Cas," he whispered as he started the compressions. He could feel the memories already starting to fade like sand running through his fingers, the rush under his skin dying away.
It didn't take long for the burning ache to start in his shoulders, radiating down his arms with each compression. Every time Dean forced air into his lungs he thought about Castiel whispering his name right at the end, as if he'd wanted that to be the last thing he said before he died. Dean ground his teeth and pushed aside the exhaustion. He stopped himself from thinking about how CPR only worked 5% of the time and that went down fast the longer you kept at it. Cas wasn't human. What was true for humans wasn't true for him, Dean repeated that to himself with each breath. Every second Dean felt another of Castiel's memories slip away into nothing, the din in his mind turning to whispers and then to a silence as deep as the one filling the ship. "Breathe. I didn't ask you for any heroic sacrifices so you just fucking breathe." Dean knew from those fading memories that Castiel feared dying like this, his work half-finished, no hope of ever seeing his home sky again. Forgotten. Dean wasn't letting that happen, not on his account. He was not having it.
Just as Dean felt fatigue start to blur his vision he thought he felt a faint tremor run through the body beneath him. Two compressions later Dean saw his hand twitch. "Come on, Cas. Come back. You can do this." One compression more and Castiel's body jerked up as he heaved in a breath and God, Dean thought that breath was the single best thing he'd ever heard. He turned Castiel on his side, rubbing his back as he retched and tried to remember how breathing worked. "Jesus, Cas. Jesus, don't ever scare me like that again."
Castiel rolled back over and stared up at Dean. "My chest hurts."
"Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Took a while to get your heart going again." Dean stared as his color slowly came back, his fingers locked on the pulse point in Cas' wrist to convince himself his heart really was beating.
"Heard you calling me." Dean had never known someone's eyes could be this wide. "I never meant to hurt you, Dean," he whispered, low and intense like he was desperate for Dean to believe him.
"Cas, I know that," Dean said. "I do. The whole reason you didn't take me back in the first place was 'cause you thought it would kill me. I just don't get what got you to change your mind."
Castiel closed his eyes. "I was killing you anyway."
Dean shook his head and wrapped his arms around Castiel, picking him up from the floor. "No one's gonna die, Cas," he whispered into his ear. For a second he thought he would have to explain how hugs worked, too, but Cas' arms wrapped tight around him in return, his face pressing against the curve of Dean's neck. He could still feel the echo of longing that strung through those faded memories; Dean knew that while it might have been a thousand years since he'd spoken to someone, it had been so much longer since he'd been close enough to touch anyone. Dean stroked his fingers through Castiel's hair, not sure which of them was shaking harder. "Told you I wasn't letting you go."
Castiel just held on tighter. "Don't."
Dean closed his eyes and focused on Castiel's warm breath against his neck. "Hey," Dean whispered. "You told me researchers tend not to come back, right? You ever think maybe that's because some of them find somewhere else they'd rather be?" Dean leaned his back against the railing, stroking his fingers through Castiel's hair until the trembling eased. "You think you're good to stand yet?" he whispered into Castiel's ear. "Got a brother I want you to meet."
***
Dean's heart pounded so hard he felt light-headed. He glanced over at Castiel, looking strange and incongruous leaning against the wall next to Bobby's front door. "Let me talk to him first, okay?"
Before Dean could even get out his keys the door flew open, Sam looking up at him with his backpack balanced on one shoulder. "There you are," he said, rolling his eyes. "I thought I was gonna have to walk to school." He looked around Dean. "Hey, where's your car?"
Dean picked him up into an enormous hug before Sam could say another word. "God, Sammy, it's good to see you."
"Dean? What's with you? You stay out all night all the time."
"I'm not doing it any more, I promise." He put Sam down and closed the door. "You're not going to school today."
"Why not? What's...Did something happen?" His eyes went wide. "Is Bobby okay?"
"No, no, he's fine. Everyone's fine."
"Then what's going on, Dean? You're acting seriously weird."
Dean dropped himself down into Bobby's overstuffed chair. "You know that I'd never lie to you, right Sam? Not about anything big?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I know that."
"Okay, you gotta keep that in mind, because this is going to sound pretty nuts." He took a deep breath. "Aliens are real. I got kidnapped by one, and although he managed to bring me back it was really close. He's actually...um, well, standing outside. His ship got smashed up bringing me back so he's stranded here for a while." Dean left out that the place he'd been brought from was the future. Some things Sam didn't need to know. "Don't hold the whole kidnapping thing against him, okay? He's actually pretty okay."
Sam rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Dean. Why would aliens come all this way just to kidnap you?"
"Hey, I'll have you know I'm a very good representative of my species." He crouched down so they were at eye level. "This is serious, Sam." He let out a frustrated breath. "C'mon. If I was really making all this up, don't you think I'd come up with something that didn't make me sound like a total nutcase?"
Sam narrowed his eyes, an adult look that made him look way too much like the damaged, angry Sam Dean had left in the future. Dean realized this had been a mistake, the only people who could ever believe a story this crazy would either have to be crazy themselves or the biggest nerds on the planet.... "Prove it," Sam said, breaking into Dean's thoughts.
Dean loved the hell out of this kid. "Let's boldy go, then."
He led Sam outside to where Castiel was still standing like a trenchcoated sentinel. "Sam, this is Cas. Cas, Sam."
Castiel nodded. "Hello, Sam," he said, as formal as if he were meeting the president.
Sam didn't answer, studying Castiel with a long, up and down look. "You don't look like an alien."
Cas tilted his head to the side, studying Sam right back. "I'm using a matter converter to approximate a more appropriate appearance. My true form is much larger but not as dense as your own, and it exists in dimensions your eyes can't process without damage."
Most of that was Greek to Dean, but Sam just raised his eyebrows. "Cool." He looked around. "Dean said you had a space ship?"
Cas gave Dean an Oh, did he? look over Sam's shoulder. "Did he also tell you I can teleport?"
You would have thought Castiel had just said he could make it Christmas. "Prove it."
One wingbeat later they were standing outside that boarded up storefront. "Camouflage?" Sam guessed, beaming when Castiel nodded.
"The ship's quite damaged," Cas said as he opened the door, sounding exactly the way Dean did when there was something wrong with his car. "It won't be very impressive...."
Dean doubted Sam even heard him; he bolted past the two of them into the ship, practically vibrating with glee. "Cas, it's a spaceship and he's fourteen," Dean said. "It could be made of legos and he'd think it was awesome."
"It's big," Sam gushed. "Are we in another dimension or is this a tesseract?"
Castiel's brow furrowed. "A combination of those technologies, actually."
"Awesome. Like the TARDIS."
Cas gave Dean a questioning look but all Dean could do was shake his head. "Like I know?"
"Can I look around?" Sam shouted over his shoulder, already peeking around a corridor.
"Don't touch anything," Castiel said. "I don't know how damaged the interior is yet."
Sam nodded and disappeared around a corner, giving Dean the chance to lean close to Castiel's ear. "You are the biggest showoff, Cas." Castiel just answered with an affronted look that Dean couldn't help laughing at.
Castiel looked away. "I like hearing you laugh." He trailed his fingers along the front of the dark console, his eyes turning desolate. "I feel guilty," he said, like a confession. "Is that strange?"
"Think it'd be stranger if you didn't." Dean had hoped the ship would spring back to life with Cas, and walking in to see it still dark and cold had twisted Dean's stomach like a corkscrew. He couldn't imagine how much worse it had to feel for Cas, when the ship had served as a home and an only friend for so long.
"She was very good to me," Castiel murmured.
"Hey," Dean said, touching his arm. "Why don't I go make sure Sam doesn't wake up any of your science fair projects and you see if you can work any miracles, okay?"
"I don't have any living subjects on board," Castiel answered, already crouching under one of the cracked panels and clearly only half listening. Dean shook his head and went to go make sure Sam didn't make anything explode.
***
"Well, I don't think Sam's ever gonna leave," Dean announced, stomping his way back into the main room. "He's sacked out of in one of the rooms back there." He found Castiel spattered with multicolored oil, frowning over the main interface terminal. "All right, Doc, what's the prognosis?"
"We're about to find out," Castiel murmured.
He touched one of the panels and Dean heard a low hum, one that went on long enough that Dean wondered if the ship was about to explode. Moments after Dean had that thought the screen flickered to life, putting out a dim glow. It wasn't anything close to full strength but Dean felt his heart squeeze at how Castiel's eyes lit up with delight. He looked up and saw those crosshatchings start to glow too, working through the spectrum before settling on that familiar rose. "There you are," Dean whispered, surprised at the strength of the relief washing through him. "You don't get to run out on me either." Castiel moved up to join him, the exhaustion on his face not quite enough to hide the joy. "Guess you got your miracle."
Castiel sighed. "The damage is extensive," he said, looking around. "I'll have to rebuild the engines. The time circuit as well."
"But it can all be fixed, right?"
Cas nodded. "With time." He sighed again. "Well, everything except the matter converter. The element that runs on isn't native here, I'll have to make sure she's spaceworthy before even attempting it."
Dean got a kick out of Castiel coming around to calling his ship "she." "Sorry you're stuck like this for a while."
Castiel's gaze dropped to the floor. "There are advantages to this form," he murmured, giving Dean a sideways look that made him lightheaded.
Dean just leaned against the railing. "You kissed me."
Castiel looked away again. "You spoke very highly of that," he said, a blush creeping up over his face. "I was curious."
"Man, why wait until then?"
He crossed his arms over his chest, still looking down at the floor. "You were always so disgusted by the idea of me touching you. I didn't think it would be welcome." He let out a soft sigh. "I doubted I would get another chance."
Dean shifted over to stand in front of him, his arms on either side of of Castiel to pin him against the the railing. "Hey. Look at me." When he looked up Dean kissed him, the little sigh of surprise from Castiel rushing through him. Dean pressed him against the railing and coaxed his mouth open, sliding his arm past the coat to settle one hand against the small of his back. Castiel took the hint, unfurling his arms to wrap around Dean's waist. For someone who'd never done this before Dean thought he was catching on pretty fast. "We're gonna have lot of chances, Cas."
"It will be dangerous to associate with me," he murmured, still so close Dean wanted to lean forward and kiss him again. "Once it's obvious I'm stranded I'll be a target, like before---"
Dean nipped at his lower lip before Castiel could even think about finishing that sentence. "Don't you dare try to warn me off." He sucked on Castiel's lip until he drew out a soft little moan, the sound hitting Dean low and deep. "You got me and Sam watching your back now. And trust me, that kid could not be more up for hunting bad guy aliens."
Castiel let out a long breath. "Thank you." He looked up at Dean then, a glint in his eye that made it impossible for Dean to breathe for a second. He stroked just the tips of his fingers down Dean's arm, just that light touch making Dean shiver. He remembered that Castiel had studied him for ten years, and that wasn't even counting the most recent sessions. For all he knew Cas had his whole nervous system mapped out, knew to push buttons Dean had no idea existed.
Dean grinned. The guy was going to take him apart.
He kissed Castiel again, pulling him closer by his hips. "So. Heard we got a lot of work to do," he whispered, teasing his tongue around the edge of Castiel's lip.
Castiel nodded, already breathless, his eyes wide as he waited to see what Dean was going to do next. "Yes, a very---" He gasped when Dean licked up his neck, tipping his head as one of those rare smiles played over his lips. Dean had some experience pushing buttons too, after all. "A very large amount," he finally forced out, seemingly determined to finish his sentence.
"We should get on with it then," Dean whispered into his ear, wrapping Cas' tie around his hand.
Castiel nodded, shivering when Dean slipped one hand past his suit jacket and down his ribs. "Where do you think we should start?"
Dean just grinned, sliding Castiel's coat from his shoulders as he leaned back in close. "Right here sounds pretty good to me."
