Why you adventurers no talk good?

My character came to a horrible realization during game today.

For the last few sessions we've been in an ogre village trying to hammer out a non-aggression treaty. If anyone out there is wondering just what it's like to try to practice diplomacy with ogres, I want you to go get the biggest, heaviest book you have (for example, if you were me you would grab the three volume Annotated Sherlock Holmes). Now, stand in the middle of the room, grasp the book firmly with both hands, and start smashing yourself in the forehead. Repeatedly.

We all feel like we're bleeding Int points just by the proximity. But finally, finally after dealing with the having to sit through the ogre electoral process (we, um...sort of killed the previous leader. But it was justified!) we're one task away from getting back to the world where food is cooked and "topiary animal" is a fancy bush and not an actual animal rolled in leaves and stuck on a pole. (Most of the ogres don't quite grasp a lot of human-world things. Don't get me started on what they think "farming" is.:)

Now the ogres all speak broken Common (Me ogre), even the actually intelligent ones --- expect the one we met this week. This one spoke perfect Common, making us all happy until we realized this wasn't actually a smart, articulate ogre. He was, in fact, an absolutely blood simple ogre. Not-quite-sure-how-he's-even-walking-upright level of dumb.

That was when my character remembered a different ogre complementing the barbarian (who also speaks broken Common) on how well he spoke. Then came the creeping horror: somehow, speaking in full sentences is a sign of mental incapacity among ogre society. That means whenever an ogre hears a human (elf/dwarf/etc) speak, we sound like drooling morons to them.

The barbarian immediately became our chief negotiator.:) My poor girl is so ready to get back to civilization.

Responsibilty. Bah.

After all the rigmarole of the past week, researching companies, getting quotes, etc., I wound up renewing with my current insurance company anyway. At least that's out of the way and I don't have to deal with it anymore. Bah. Adulthood is no fun sometimes.

***

You know what would be fun? A White Collar/Left 4 Dead 2 crossover. Tell me that smooth-talking Neal isn't everything Nick aspired to be when he started his con artist career, only things didn't quite work out that way. I could absolutely buy that they've run into each other, most likely with Nick getting the raw end of the deal.

If you include Kate, the White Collar crew even has four people! It would be magical, is all I'm saying.

(I was playing with this idea at during downtime at work; Neal had gotten Nick into some kind of trouble, leading to Ellis winding up a rambling aside with this: "An' I swear to the Lord on high, if you get my friend killed out there it won't be the zombies you'll have to be worrying about. You got me?" I have no idea how things get to that point, but Neal's charm is failing him.

Also, I can't decide whether Peter or Neal would be more likely to trigger a Witch, just hearing the crying and not realizing what it was. But one of them definitely would.)

***

I signed up for help_haiti, because while I have very little money to burn I can definitely write a fic for the cause. Bid on me! Or someone else! It's all for a good cause!